please please come on already

well, I didn't ovulate, so I took Progesterone (provera) and had a period last week. So today is day 11 of a new cycle. My last cycle was 77 days long and would have been longer had I not forced a period with fake hormones. It has been about a month and a half since we decided to officially start trying for a baby and we haven't even had a real opportunity to even have the possibility of getting pregnant. It's already getting so stressful just waiting and wondering if it will ever happen. I have days where I just lay around and cry because it just isn't fair. I'm depriving myself of anything delicious so I will ovulate and it's not working. I get so mad when I see pregnant women lately. I feel like they're everywhere. And I get even more mad when I see them eating delicious carbs. Why do I have to kill myself to get pregnant (and probably to stay pregnant) while others ovulate every month like clockwork and get pregnant on the first try. I found out last week that 4 of my coworkers are pregnant and due around the time that I could be due if I had ovulated when we decided to try. I get so frustrated. I took a trip to Chicago last week and went back and forth on whether or not to stick to the strict diet while there. I've been stressing out so much about this diet, that I think it's prolonging ovulation even more. Doctors say stress is the worst thing for trying to ovulate, but on the other hand the low carb diet although stressful, is supposed to help. So what is worse, stress or carbs? AHHH! So I decided that the trip was a time to relax and hopefully the metformin would take over and do it's job.

Today I'm back home and back on the strict low carb (the carbs made my tummy hurt anyway). I would LOVE if I ovulated on day 14 like normal people do, but I don't think it's going to happen. I usually have wetness 4 days out, and that would be today (not happening).

Come on come on come on. I'm going crazy. I need a therapist.

metformin

started metformin 3 days ago. This is supposed to help balance out my sugar and insulin levels. This will then prevent the insulin hormone from dominating and allow my other hormones like estrogen do what they are supposed to do. I'm still eating really low carb, so hopefully sometime soon I will ovulate. It's kind of making me crazy just watching and waiting.

let the games begin

We decided a couple weeks ago to go ahead and START TRYING!!!!! We feel ready and excited to hopefully be parents. We were going to wait until december, and I know I've been going back and forth on this, but it is now official. My doctor is going to put me on Clomid in December, but we wanted to try on our own and see if just doing the low carb diet is enough to make me ovulate. So, I've been on a strict low carb diet since July 2nd and last time I did this, it took me two weeks to ovulate. I've been getting frustrated that it's not happening right away, but I'm trying to be patient and give it a chance. If I have not ovulated by July 16th, I am going to take progesterone to jump start a period and then see if the diet helps. Sometimes, I have to start things over with a new cycle for my body to figure out what's going on. I'm trying not to stress about it, but it's almost impossible because I've had to change my diet, so I'm always focused on what I'm eating and it is always in the front of my mind. I'll try to stay distracted with projects around the house, so hopefully that will keep my mind off of it, but I doubt it :)

miscarriages

There have been so many people I know recently who have had miscarriages. Two of them have been trying hard to have a baby. I was so happy for them, and then so sad for them. Just hearing their stories is emotionally draining and makes me worry so much. I so hope it doesn't happen to me. Especially not with my first pregnancy. I would at least want to know that I could have a healthy baby first, so I would know I could have one and not worry that I will never have a healthy baby. Why do teen crack whore prostitutes on drugs without jobs get pregnant so easily. I just don't understand. Blah.

a pregnant friend

I found out recently that a coworker who has had fertility issues for about 10 years or so and had given up on all fertility treatments and basically accepted that she was never having kids... is pregnant! I'm so happy for her. It gives me hope. I just love hearing stories of other peoples success who have had the same or similar problems as I have. I feel like I'm probably getting ahead of myself here because we haven't even started trying for kids yet. But, I feel like I need to set myself up to be prepared for disappointment. This way I won't be shocked and surprised when it doesn't happen for me the first time. I obviously have issues, so I might as well get used to the idea now. But, I would not at all be unhappy if I'm wrong and I get pregnant right away. That would be a miracle. Really, pregnancy in itself is a miracle. For everything to come together so perfectly is truly amazing. I learned that even if timing is perfect there is only a 40% of getting pregnant. That's crazy! It's amazing that it happens so often for so many people, but never for others. It seems unfair. Teens that don't want them get pregnant so easily, but a grown, employed, married woman tries and tries with no success. Ridiculous. Anyway, I am truly excited for my coworker and hope that soon one day I will know how she is feeling.

2nd time

I ovulated a couple of weeks ago for the second time since starting my diet. It was a 54 day cycle, ovulating on day 42, but at least I ovulated on my own! I've also started swimming laps at the gym on my days off so hopefully that will help control my blood sugar as well. 

back to my old ways

Still no ovulation. I'm over 30 days into this cycle, and no signs of ovulating. We've decided to wait until December to start trying now because of how much money we want to save before having kids. We will try Dec 15- Feb 1st. This will give us a September or October baby. But if I'm not pregnant by then, we will stop until June 15th to give us a March baby. I'm set on not having a baby in the middle of cold, depressing winter. I know some people think this is crazy and way too planned out, but that's just how I roll.  Then if I don't get pregnant June-October, I will consider myself to officially have fertility issues, and then I will forget the whole planning and take what I get. I will just be happy to get a baby at that point. 

My doctor said she would give me clomid at my request to make me ovulate, so hopefully in December, this will work out as planned.

So, for now, still waiting for my body to be normal.