it's been fun, but..

I'm about done with this pregnancy business. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I've been able to experience this and I'm so grateful to get to be pregnant and have my own baby. And there are aspects that I still really enjoy like having a belly that I don't have to suck in, hide or feel self conscious about and that there are actually clothes made just for the purpose of a big belly, which for me fit better than regular clothes because I've always had a bigger belly than I do butt or thighs. That I will miss, along with the fun feeling her kick n stuff, but I'm kinda getting to the point where I'm over it. I am uncomfortable all the time. My ligaments and lower abdominal/groin muscles hurt so much that walking seems like an enormous task and my belly frequently just feels so full and tight, almost like I have trapped gas that can't leave. Bending over to get anything off the floor takes some motivation. If it's not absolutely necessary to pick up, I usually just leave it there. I have a lot of bladder pressure. I feel like I have to go pee all the time, but when I go, there's not a whole lot in there despite the feeling that my bladder was about to explode. My lower back and tail bone ache frequently and I waddle around slowly in stores, which now makes me the person I used to get so annoyed with when I used to zip around all the slow pokes in stores because I wanted to move quickly. I wake up in the middle of the night with stomach acid shooting up my nose. And the most recent complaint I have is not being able to SLEEP ON MY BACK!! This sucks. I am a back sleeper. I always sleep flat on my back sprawled out with what we call my chicken wings and frog legs... elbows out with hands in my armpits and knees bent outward with feet meeting in the middle. And I am so particular about this position that if I don't get to have enough space for one of my chicken wings or frog legs, it's over... I'm not going to sleep well. So, now I'm not allowed to sleep on my back, I have to rotate from side to side until my shoulders are completely crushed and my neck is totally kinked. The lack of decent sleep is starting to get to me, but I guess maybe it's just preparation for having a new baby in the house.

The other thing is the constant worry. I thought I would feel better after I heard the heartbeat, then after the first trimester, then after the sonogram, then after reaching viability, but I've learned that I will not feel better until she is here and I can see that she really is a normal, healthy baby. There are so many things that can't be detected in sonograms that she could still have wrong with her, and still so many things that can go wrong like randomly dying in utero because the cord is around her neck or other unknown reasons.

I'm just ready to not be uncomfortable and worried anymore. I know I will worry when she's here, but I feel like it will be a controlled worry. A worry I can relieve by seeing her and checking on her and being able to see things for myself and take action if necessary. Right now, I just sit and wonder if everything is still okay in there.

A lot of people tell me I should enjoy it while it lasts because I will miss it, but I honestly don't think I will. I'm not a very nostalgic person anyway, and I think the relief will overshadow any feelings of nostalgia. I will be able to look back and be grateful for the chance to experience it, but I won't "miss" it in the same way people miss a vacation and wish they could go back. I rarely want to "go back" because I'm able to appreciate the current moment so much. I will of course be pregnant again in a few years because I want two children, but I will definitely enjoy the time off. I'm not one of those women who loves pregnancy so much that I could just do it forever (except for the fact that she burns all my calories for me, THIS is something I wouldn't mind having forever). Again, I'm super grateful to be pregnant and would be very sad if I never got to do it. I've just reached a point where I'm ready to actually have the baby instead of the pregnancy, but not at this gestation of course, I just wish July would hurry up and get here.

hiccups!

Last night at about 4am, I was feeling the baby move on my left side, but it was different than usual. Not the spastic jerky random movements she usually does. This was a rhythmic tapping in the same spot over and over again. I figured she must have had the hiccups! Which makes me very happy because not only is it super cute and fun to feel, but it means she is doing her practice breathing and getting her lungs ready for this world. I love her.

just a calm baby?

I've been getting the feeling that my baby moves less than normal. Talking to other people who are either pregnant or have been before, they say their babies moved/ move very frequently and say that they are big drastic movements like flips and twirls and big kicks. Others say they wake them up at night being a spaz kicking them like crazy.

I'm worried because I don't have this very often at all. I do feel her every day and never go more than about 4-6 hours between movements I think. But, most of the time they are small little flutters or just a stretch or a little kick now and then. Each spurt of movement usually doesn't last very long.. she'll move a couple of times and then go back to sleep and I'll feel nothing for a few more hours. Only a couple of times has she moved so much that daddy could feel it on the outside and you could actually see my belly moving. About once a week she'll have a day where she is a big mover, but other than that it's pretty laid back in there. She doesn't respond to eating or drinking sweet things and doesn't react to me poking or shaking my belly. I worry she is not normal or that something is wrong with her that she can't move her muscles well, or I worry that she is compressing her umbilical cord, but when I check her HB with the doppler she is just fine.

I did hear that girls move less than boys and that one girl I know had a baby who didn't move much in utero as well and she was so worried at one point that she made a special trip to her doctor to check things out, and she was born three months ago and she says her baby is a really calm laid back baby who slept through the night almost right away. So, I'm hoping maybe my little one is just a calm baby with a laid back personality who doesn't get too excited about much. I keep telling myself this will be a good thing and not to worry, but I really can't help but worry all the time.

I haven't called my doctor about it yet because she DOES move, it's just not as much or as drastic as I would like it to be, and I know my doctor is just going to tell me not to worry. She already thinks I'm a total freak. I'll probably just bring it up at my next appointment if I can wait that long. Move baby move!

BURN

I have never had heartburn before in my life, or should I say HAD never had it (lucky I know). I had no idea what all the fuss was about or what this felt like.....until this last Friday night. We had eaten mexican for both lunch and dinner, which normally would not be a problem for me, but I think now that my stomach is about two inches away from the back of my tongue, the stomach acid can't keep itself in its intended location.

I went to bed feeling a little bit of a cool burn in my lower throat/ chest but didn't think it was too bad. Almost felt as if I had just swallowed something very minty like toothpaste. I thought to myself "if this is heartburn, I don't see what the big deal is, it's totally tolerable". So, I went to bed as usual.

It got worse. It stopped being a "cool" burn and now was just a bit of a burn. Woke me up here and there, I usually just needed to change position to make it go away enough to go back to sleep. AND THEN... 2:30am I am awoke out of a dead sleep to pure stomach acid shooting up my throat and out my right nostril. I sat straight up, coughing and hacking and trying to suck down water. This was true acid reflux... Puke in my nose. It burned so bad and then I couldn't get the smell or the burn to go away. I then had to try and sleep the rest of the night at an incline, which I hate, I prefer to sleep with one small pillow. So, I didn't really get much sleep after that and then had to get up and go to work at 5:30.

I've decide that's the last time I want that experience, so I bought pepcid AC and took some last night and had no more heartburn. Hopefully this will do the trick and be another pregnancy best friend, right up there with my support belt.

oh the pain

so, about two weeks ago I went out shopping for a whole day. Ran many errands and went from place to place getting in and out of the car and walking a lot. I didn't think this would be too much of a problem because I was only 22 weeks at the time, and the second trimester is supposed to be the easy painless one, right? So, I had planned on getting as much done in this trimester as possible before the aches and pains set in.

Well, I am getting a lesson in things not going according to my plan, because that night, I had a ton of pulling, ripping, tight pain just under my big belly. It felt like I had done 10,000 sit ups and every time I took a step, my muscles were ripping.

People keep telling me this is ligament pain from uterus stretching, but I had always thought that ligament pain was a sporadic type of pain that only lasted a few minutes at a time. But this pain has not gone away. It's constant and makes walking agonizing. It is worse at times more than others, so about a week after it started, it was a beautiful day and I was feeling pretty good, so I thought it would be fun to take a walk to the local ice cream shop. BAD DECISION. Once we were home, not only were my ligaments killing me, but now my whole pelvis, tailbone and lower back were so painful that I couldn't find a comfortable position that didn't make my muscles seize up.

Then, I had to work two twelve hour shifts back to back and by the end of the second shift, I was ready to kill someone. Every time I took a step, I could feel my tailbone pop. I wanted to steal the new moms' wheelchairs and push myself around in them.

I had really been looking forward to being pregnant in the summer and taking walks every night, but it looks like my body has other plans.

I did buy a maternity support band and wore it all day at work yesterday and last night and today, my ligaments feel about 75% better. I can actually get up from the couch on my own and don't have a problem finding a comfortable position in bed. So, I'm hoping this band is my answer to get me through the next 16 weeks.

I really thought I had about 10 more weeks before I started feeling pains, but I have a very short waste and there's no place for this baby to go but out in front, so I think it's causing me a little extra pulling. But, I know it will be worth it in July.