CONFIRMED!!!!

my strong feelings were confirmed on Sunday January 8th at 11:30 am. I was supposed to wait until monday, but after church on sunday I couldn't take it anymore so I ran to walgreens and immediately came home and tested. And it was POSITIVE!!! I feel like God has just answered my prayer and I am so grateful. I know that this doesn't guarantee I get a healthy baby, but I really feel this time that everything will be ok. I hope I'm right. I really thought I would be super stressed and anxious this pregnancy, but so far I feel more relaxed than I've ever been. I think part of that is that after having a second trimester loss, I realize that no matter how much I worry, it's not going to change anything anyway. I worried and worried with both Brynn and it got me no where. I still had no control. No matter how many ultrasounds and tests I had, she still died. All I did was make that pregnancy miserable with worry. I always knew I shouldn't worry because I can't control anything anyway, but now I feel just how true that is. If this baby is going to die, then it's going to die and there's not a damn thing I can do about it, so I might as well not think about it as much as possible. Worrying is going to get me nothing.

Not to say that I'm not still doing everything perfectly and being extra cautious with what I eat and do and wanting the ultrasounds for reassurance. I'm just not making myself crazy thinking about every possible horrible thing that can happen.

I took three tests on 10, 11 and 13 dpo and my line got much darker with each one, so that let me know that everything is going well in there. I called my doc on monday to let her know, but knew that I was VERY early at only 3 wks 4days and figured she'd want me to wait until next week to draw my HCG because my numbers would be really low this early, but this Monday and Wednesday were the only days 48 hrs apart that I wasn't working, so she said she wanted me to go ahead and get drawn early because it didn't matter how low they were, just as long as it doubled in 48 hrs. Based on Brynn's level of 104 at 4wks 2days, I figured that at 3 wks 4 days, I would be expecting a level of 18 and then two days later a level of 36.

Well my first one was 73!! I was thrilled with this as it was much higher than I anticipated and then today she called with my follow up test and at only 3 wks 6 days, my number more than quadrupled to 306!! I was only expecting a level of 146. YAAAAAAYYYYY I'm so happy!

And my progesterone went from 37 to 66!! I am taking supplements again , but dang, that's higher than I've ever had even with supplements, especially so early!

With a number quadrupling, it is possible that I'm having twins, but also just as possible that I'm just having one VERY healthy baby. Either scenario sounds great to me!

Twins would make me worry about extra risks to the babies during pregnancy but as hard as it would be, I would take twins as a huge blessing if they both survived!

We will know for sure at my ultrasound on Feb 1.

I'm so friggin happy and thankful and excited!

Another thing I want to add: After we lost Brynn, my mom's coworker got herself and my mom matching little rubber turquoise bracelets that said "hope" and this coworker said "we're not taking these off until Tiffy is pregnant again". They both wore them day and night. Last week my mom told me she was sad that she lost hers at work, she thinks it stuck to a glove and came off when she took a pair off and accidentally threw it in the trash. I asked her what day it happened and she thinks Thursday Dec 29. That is the day this baby was conceived. I think her bracelet came off for a reason... she didn't need it anymore :-)