Brynn will never live in this world and grow as a person, but boy have I learned a lot from her tiny life. She has taught me lessons in love, faith, control, being grateful, not worrying about small stuff etc...
Since her loss, one of the biggest things I've discovered that has helped me is that everyone has a story. Everyone has had something sad happen to them or is currently struggling with something. They are not all the same. Some are worse than others in some ways and better than others in other ways. But nevertheless, everyone has a story.
I don't know if it's because I'm just opening my ears more or if it's because people feel more comfortable talking to me about their grief because they know I can relate, but I've heard a lot about other peoples tragedies lately. Cheating spouses, life changing medical diagnosis', many miscarriages, struggles to conceive, divorce, job loss and death. It makes me realize that every day someone somewhere is having the worst moment of their life. Today someone else just found out their baby died. Today someone got another negative pregnancy test. Today someone just got diagnosed with a terminal illness. Today someone just found out their husband is having an affair. No one's life is perfect, and if it is (like mine was), it won't be forever. If nothing else happens eventually someone close to you WILL die. Death is a sad inescapable reality.
I was recently talking with someone at church whose husband recently cheated on her while she was pregnant and then left her. It was a complete shock. Some may not agree, but I think her situation is worse than mine. For me, I can grieve and move on. I still have my biggest support person (my husband) to help hold me up when I have a moment of despair and my family has stayed the way it was. I will not get the family that I pictured in the spring, but what I did have before Brynn is still here and I can try for another baby.
For her, she is left to raise two kids alone without their father, and when she feels like crying about it, she can't cry to her husband because he's the one who's causing the pain. Financially her world is rocked, she has to move to a new home and be a struggling single mom all while having to put on a strong happy face for her kids. Her world really is shattered and will never be the same.
When I had first encountered her at church on christmas eve, I was feeling sorry for myself and jealous of her because she has two healthy little girls. But I quickly learned that she has her own pain. We all do.
I've been looking at online support groups on babycenter for women who have lost a baby and i makes me realize how many there are. SO many women have been through my situation and it makes me realize that it's not some horrible curse on me and God didn't put a black cloud over my head. This happens all the time and can happen to anyone. Anything can happen to anyone. We all have a story.
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