favorable

had my 36 week check up today. My fasting blood sugars have continued to be elevated, so my doc started me on some medication to help bring them down. My other blood sugars throughout the day have been well controlled with diet, but she said the fasting sugars are more of an indicator of what my body is doing on it's own since I can't control them with food. I just have too much insulin resistance.

My blood pressure was slightly elevated 144/78 but she said she wasn't too worried because only my top number was up, she assumed it was more environmental and not really hypertension and since I'm on "rest" up until my next appt anyway, she's not going to do anything different with that, I just have to let her know if I start getting crazy headaches or see stars.

The babys heart rate was really fast in the 180's when she listened to it, so we had to listen for a while to make sure it came back down. I'm pretty sure I was having a contraction when she first started to listen, so I think that's the reason, but after a couple of minutes her HR came back down to the 160's. My doc emphasized that I drink lots of water though because dehydration can cause her to have a fast HR.

My GBS (strep test) came back negative, so I won't need antibiotics during labor. For those who don't know, this is a bacteria that can sometimes normally live in the birth canal in some women and if the baby passes through it, they can get VERY critically ill. So, that's a relief.

My doc checked my cervix and still doesn't "think" I'm more dilated or effaced, but again didn't want to push the issue. But she did say that her head is EXTREMELY low, even more than last thursday and that my cervix is more anterior, which means it's moving into position for delivery which will make it easier to dilate more.

On that note, she said that because my cervix is so "favorable" we can induce at 39 weeks instead of 40 because she first of all doesn't think I'll even make it that far and second of all doesn't see any risk of increasing my chance for a c section by inducing a week early. She's so confident in my cervix that she doesn't even want me to go in for cervidil the night before. I'll just go in the morning of the induction to get pitocin. Hopefully I'll go on my own before then though.

My doc is out of town all next week, so I have to see a different doc (booo). So, according to murphys law, I'll probably go into labor next week because she won't be here :/

just be grateful

okay I had a good cry last night to just get out the emotions of the past week, which helped. I know this may be a little dramatic, but I figure I can blame it on pregnancy hormones. I'm entitled to some amount of emotional craziness, right? Plus, it's good for me to cry because once I finally cry about something, I realize how silly it is. I can look at myself and say: "what am I crying about?" My baby is healthy, the "rest" is working (less contractions) which is what we want to happen, she's in the perfect position and my body is slowly getting itself ready just like it should be. I mean, could there be a more perfect situation?
Everything is lining up correctly and I wasn't in any hurry before Tuesdays events, so why should I be now?
And I really want her in my room with me and want her to come home with me, and while that could still be possible if I had her now, it's guaranteed if she waits a little longer.
I didn't want her to come early before this week. It never even crossed my mind, but this weeks excitement and anticipation got my mind rolling in the wrong direction.
I'm grateful that my baby is healthy and she's getting those lungs mature for her big arrival.

mixed feelings

so, this ordered "rest" has really slowed my contractions. They are much less frequent and all over the place now, not regular at all.
This is good, because that is the point of me being on rest, and it's good for her to cook as long as she can to help her mature, but I have to admit that I'm also a little frustrated by this.
Before Tuesday, I had no indication tha she would come before her due date. I had just planned on being induced and that was it. But after sitting in L&D for five hours watching my contractions on the monitor, hearing that I was already dilating and feeling proud of the fact that my body was doing something right for once on it's own (even if it was a bit early) got me so excited.
When your sitting there and your labor is trucking along and your doc tells you she won't stop it, it's hard not to think the baby is coming and get kinda excited about it.
I had sort of played through the scenario in my head that she might be born and might have to go down to the nursery for a couple of nights, but that everything would be okay.
I got myself all worked up and prepared for this and was excited to se my baby.
I feel like it was dangled in front of my face and then ripped away. I know it's good for her to stay a little longer, it's just hard after being so excited to see her.
THen after losing my plug the next morning and having a couple of painful contractions, I again started to get excited. But, then things just died down and now I feel like I'm in a torturous waiting game just sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for something to happen.
Part of me is convinced she will be fine and want her to come now, but another part of me knows she has a better chance the longer she stays. It's a very complicated mix of emotions. I guess I'm just being selfish, but gosh I'm just so anxious to meet her. I'm not going to do anything to intentionally bring on labor before 37 weeks because if anything happened, I would feel so guilty, but I kinda just wish it would happen on it's own and everything would be fine.

I also worry that I missed my only chance to have a successful labor on my own. What if the terbutaline totally confused my body and now I'll never go into labor again on my own? Maybe I had a good thing going there and now it's completely screwed up and I'll never get it back. Okay, I could be exaggerating a little, but I do worry about this possibility.
And normally I would love to be ordered to be on rest, but right now I feel so anxious and antsy and have so many things I want to do to help pass the time a little.
This waiting and wondering is very hard for a control freak like me

not going as planned

Yesterday morning I lost my mucous plug, (sorry for those of you who don't want that much info) was still contracting (although they were less regular, yet some more painful) and my blood sugars were crazy. My fasting blood sugar was high and my post breakfast sugar was really high although it's the same high protein, low carb breakfast I've been eating for weeks and I still had a trace amount of ketones in my urine. So, I called and left a message for my doc letting her know all of this info, but told her I really don't want to go back to the hospital just for them to give me more terbutaline if I can avoid it because that stuff made me feel like crap.
She called me back and was very UPSET that they had given me terbutaline to stop my labor. Apparently when a doctor sends you over to the hospital, they always send specific orders of why I'm coming and what they want done. THis is different than if I had just decided to go in on my own. If I had just walked in and it wasn't business hours, the on-call doc would make all decisions.
Well, my doc had written specific orders to give hydration and muscle relaxer only and do no other measures to stop labor. The day nurse gave me the muscle relaxer and my contractions just sped up ad got stronger, and in the mean time, shift change occured and I got a new night nurse, who I did not love.
She came into my room, commented on the fact that my contractions were getting closer and said she would be giving me the terbutaline. I stopped and questioned her saying "but my doctor had told me that she was not going to try to stop my labor because she doesn't do that after 35 weeks". And the bitchy nurse replied with a simple "well, we are". No explaination, no "let me check".... just an attitude of shut up and do what I say.
So, I reluctantly took the shot, although my gut was telling me not to. The nurse said that she had called the on call doc when my contractions got stronger on the monitor and this is what she wanted to do. She also said that my Doc was in the unit with another patient, but they didn't think it was necessary to bug her.
Well, my doc says they were supposed to stick to her own orders that were already written and not call the on call doc, and that they should have asked her if she was already in the unit.
So, I was supposed to continue to labor and possibly have had this baby.
Apparently terbutaline is not supposed to be given to someone with gestational diabetes because it can mess up blood sugar levels, and it did!
My doc said that the risks with terbutaline are higher than the risks of having a 35 weeker and that it would be a different story if I were 24 weeks.
So, needless to say, I'm extremely angry with that nurse for not listening to me or being thorough. That would also explain why she offered me juice and I had to tell her I couldn't have it because it would raise my sugar. If she had read my chart/orders she would have know that. Idiot.
My doc today checked me again and said that the babys head is VERY low and is bulging down, but my cervix is still posterior (facing my back) so it's very hard to check with her head being in the way. She said she would have had to push her head up out of the way to really get to my cervix fully, but she didn't want to do that because she doesn't want to stir things up and push me into further labor because although she isn't going to be aggressive at stopping labor, it's still a litttle early and she doesn't want to make me progress either. So, she is not SURE, but doesn't "think" I've changed much. She still "thinks" I'm 2.5cm and 80% effaced, but that's not a positive and accurate measurement obviously.
Doc said that she is very close and that she absolutely doesn't think I'll make it to my due date, and that I will not have any trouble delivering this baby vaginally, in fact she said that she thinks it will be quite the opposite. But, she would like to see her stay in until 37 weeks, so I have to be on "rest" until then. THis isn't bed rest, but I'm not allowed to work and she said she wants me to be a couch potato until then. I'm upset that have to use some of my paid time off, but it only comes out to 3 shifts because 37 weeks isn't even two weeks away, and the way my schedule fell, I wasn't working many days in that time frame anyway. So, it's not too bad I guess. Whatever is best for my baby. I would rather have her in my room with me when she gets here than down the hall in the NICU. My doc says it is too late for steroids, so we'd just be taking a chance on how developed her lungs would be. It's a coin toss at this point. Some 35 weekers are fine, some are not.
Today, now that the terbutaline is totally out of my system, my contractions have come back more regular about 8 minutes apart, but still don't hurt, just slightly annoying.
After 37 weeks, I can go back to work until my due date, but my doc doesn't think I'll be going back to work for long, if at all.

early labor

Yesterday I was concerned that the baby had not been moving as much as before, and I also had a moderate amount of ketons in my urine which means I'm not geting enough carbs to eat, so my body is eating itself. So, I thought I would call my doctor just to get reassurance that everything is okay. She's a pretty laid back kind of person and never thinks anything I call about is a big deal. So, I was thinking she would just call me to tell me that as my baby gets bigger, she will not move as much. Well, instead she said she wanted me to come in to the office right away for a non-stress test, which is pretty much just a contraction and fetal heart rate monitor that looks for rises in her heart rate over a certain amount of time.

So, I left work and the test showed that she was just fine, but also that I was apparently in labor. The nurses kept looking at the monitor strip and asking if I could feel the contractions. I didn't know what they were talking about, I didn't even know I was having contractions. I just thought they were braxton hicks and have been having them for a while. They showed my strip to the doctor and came back and said, "you're in labor". They even asked if the contractions were "bearable" enough fo them to send me home. They told me to rest, drink water and monitor how far apart they are and then call back in a few hours.

So, I monitored these "contractions" and they were every 7-8 minutes, so I called to let the doc know and she decided to send me in to labor and delivery to be monitored.

I was surprised and felt kinda dumb walking in there with absolutely no pain. The nurse checked my cervix and I was 2.5cm dilated and 80% effaced, so they hooked me up to the monitor to watch the contractions and then check my cervix again to see if it changes. The contractions were every 6-8 minutes apart for an hour, so the nurse checked my cervix and there was no change, so the doc ordered a muscle relaxer that she said would calm my uterus down if it wasn't real labor, but would do nothing if it was.

The medicine made me loose and sleepy, but my contractions got stronger and closer together every 3-4 minutes. Still no cervical change though.

Nurse calls doc and doc decides to try a mild measure to stop the labor because 35 weeks is a bit premature. She said it's not early enough to pull out the big guns like magnesium, but that they would try up to 3 doses of terbutaline to stop the labor, but if it doesn't work then they would just let me continue to labor.

She gave me one shot of the medicine and my contractions completely stopped, but it also came with harsh side effects of a pounding, racing heart and feeling really jittery. It ws aweful. After about 30 minutes or so, the side effects started to die down and I started to have contractions again, so she came in and gave me the second dose. This time contractions went away for an hour and then they came back, but I only had them every 15-20 minutes, so she said I didn't need the 3rd dose (THANK GOD) and they decided to send me home at 1030.

She said that I would more than likely have this baby a little earlier than expected.

So, I came home and crashed after all that crazy medicine and woke up about 5 this morning with the same contractions, but sometimes a little bit painful. They are sporatic anywhere from 3-15 minutes apart, so I'm not sure what to think about that. The doc didn't put me on any restrictions, so I guess I'll go about my day as usual. I have a regular appt tomorrow, so I'll see what she says about that, but I really don't want to go on bedrest because I don't want to use any of my paid time of just sitting at home without a baby.

Heavenly nursery

unfortunately I can't put full views of the nursery on here, because her name is hung above her crib on the wall, and I don't want to post her name on a public site. But these give you the idea of the theme. A lot of satin and sparkle. Very celestial and soft. The curtain, bed skirt and crib blanket were made by my mom and the bumper is a "breathable bumper" so she won't suffocate. The colors on the mobile don't really match, but it was the only moon and star one I could find that was even sort of close. It matches better in real life. The changing pad cover also has moons and stars on it.

the belly

Here are a few pics Hubs took of my me and my belly while lounging on the couch watching tv

BIG BABY!

we had our 34 week sonogram on Tuesday to see how big the baby is and see her position and where her weight is distributed. As soon as the sonographer put the wand on my belly she said "wow, this baby is scrunched up tight in there", which I kinda knew because she doesn't ever change position and her movements are really just stretches at this point. We got to double check that she is in fact a girl. The tech guaranteed us and told us she'd come redo the nursery for us if she was wrong. We then got to see that she has some hair on her head, see that she is head down and watch her suck on her wrist. She's so smashed up in there that her feet are tucked and squished up underneath her butt. The fluid level is good and all anatomy still looks normal and healthy and after taking measurements she is estimated to weight 5lb 8oz right now. THIS IS BIG. My nephew was estimated at 5lb 5oz at 35 weeks and came out 8lb 12 oz at 39 weeks.

My doctor came in and said that yes, this is a big baby, but nothing to panic about. She said my blood sugars have been perfect and the babys torso is not measuring large, which is what they would look for in a diabetic baby. She said that she's not large because of the gestational diabetes or because of anything I'm doing, she's just genetically on the big side and would be no matter what. She said the largest part of her is her head which is good/normal because the head is made to mold and shape through the birth canal, but the torso is not, so when they run into trouble, it's because the head comes out, but then the torso gets stuck and that puts the baby in distress and causes an emergency situation. Whereas, if the head is the biggest part, we would know if it wasn't going to fit long before it was a crisis. She just wouldn't come out at all.

So, with this information my doc decided not to induce me early, but to induce me on my actual due date. She said that inducing early in a first time mom greatly increases the chance of needing a c section because my body is less likely to respond to the induction, which would require more pitocin which can cause distress to my uterus and the baby and I may not dilate. But, she said the further along I am, the better an induction will act like a "trigger" for labor and not "forcing" labor that wasn't ready.

So, it looks like I may be having a 9lb baby on my due date. But, I'm hoping I'll go in to labor on my own before that :)

taking it easy vs being productive

I have a long list of things I want to get done before this baby gets here. Some of them are things I can do like touch up the trim paint around the house, organize the massive pile of cords under the computer desk, clean out the fridge etc... but most of the "to do's" are things that I really need the husband for because I am pretty much useless these days. We need to replace some bricks on the house, I want to build a stone fire-pit in the backyard, put mulch around the flowers, clean out the garage etc... but the problem is, he only has so much time in a day. The poor guy works all week and only gets the weekends off. This seems normal to most people I guess, but for a gal who gets 4-5 days off each week, it seems like a lot to me. So, I feel guilty asking him to do any of these projects, but I really shouldn't be doing them either. My pelvis and back already kill me, my feet are swollen, I wake up every 1-2 hours a night to either pee or vomit in my mouth from reflux and I can't find a comfortable position anyway, so I'm pretty exhausted all the time. I get short of breath just standing up. I've changed my schedule at work so I never work two days in a row (what a relief!) Plus I'm starving all the time because of this stupid diabetic diet, which doesn't help my energy level.

Plus, husband has taken on tasks I would normally do like carry laundry up and down the stairs, so he has more on his plate just helping me out with daily things, and he doesn't get a lot of time to just chill or have fun.

So, I guess what I've come to realize is that it's okay if everything doesn't get done before she arrives in 6-7 weeks. Time is running out and energy levels are running low. Her room is done, and we've got pretty much everything she needs, so if the trim in the house is a little chipped, I guess it's not a big deal. I don't want us to be exhausted and stressed these last few weeks because I know we'll have plenty of that after she's here.

On that note, I think I'll go lay down now.

a couple of perks

saw my doc yesterday for my 32 week appointment and found out I get a couple of perks for being diabetic, which is nice because there aren't too many good things I can say about having gest diabetes. I get to have one more ultrasound at 34 weeks to measure her size and weight distribution to make sure she's not getting too big. This is exciting because it is always nice to get to see her. The only down side is that I'm still paying on my deductible, so basically the whole thing is out of pocket. The other perk is that she will no longer let me go overdue. I have to have this baby by my due date, and if I don't go into labor on my own, then she will schedule an induction sometime in the week leading up to my due date. Some people don't really like the idea of being induced, but I find it rather appealing. You get to plan and prepare for the whole day. You know you're bag is packed, legs are shaved, toenails painted, house is clean, dog sitter is scheduled, family is in town etc... I mean for someone who likes to plan, organize and have control over every aspect of life, this is a pretty good setup!

The pitocin doesn't really alarm me because I know for sure that I want an epidural as soon as I can possibly have it anyway, so bring on the contractions (after I'm numb of course).

My doc did say that inducing with the first baby isn't ideal because my cervix may not dilate as well as if I went into labor on my own, which could increase my chance of needing a c section in the end. But, the alternative is to wait, let me go overdue and have a big baby and possibly run into birth trauma and need an emergent c section anyway. So, of the two, I'd rather take the risk of c section due to inability to dilate over the risk of c section due to baby getting stuck. No brain damage, thank you.

I'm measuring one week ahead of schedule, but my doc says that's not really anything to worry about since due dates are set with the idea of "give or take a week". And she said my sugars look really good and I'm keeping it under good control with diet and I've only gained 6lbs the whole pregnancy, so she doesn't think it's going to be a problem, but still doesn't want me going overdue just in case. And I'm a "play it safe" kind of person as well, so I'm in agreement with her 100%. I see too many birth trauma/ brain damaged babies to take that risk.