mixed feelings

so, this ordered "rest" has really slowed my contractions. They are much less frequent and all over the place now, not regular at all.
This is good, because that is the point of me being on rest, and it's good for her to cook as long as she can to help her mature, but I have to admit that I'm also a little frustrated by this.
Before Tuesday, I had no indication tha she would come before her due date. I had just planned on being induced and that was it. But after sitting in L&D for five hours watching my contractions on the monitor, hearing that I was already dilating and feeling proud of the fact that my body was doing something right for once on it's own (even if it was a bit early) got me so excited.
When your sitting there and your labor is trucking along and your doc tells you she won't stop it, it's hard not to think the baby is coming and get kinda excited about it.
I had sort of played through the scenario in my head that she might be born and might have to go down to the nursery for a couple of nights, but that everything would be okay.
I got myself all worked up and prepared for this and was excited to se my baby.
I feel like it was dangled in front of my face and then ripped away. I know it's good for her to stay a little longer, it's just hard after being so excited to see her.
THen after losing my plug the next morning and having a couple of painful contractions, I again started to get excited. But, then things just died down and now I feel like I'm in a torturous waiting game just sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for something to happen.
Part of me is convinced she will be fine and want her to come now, but another part of me knows she has a better chance the longer she stays. It's a very complicated mix of emotions. I guess I'm just being selfish, but gosh I'm just so anxious to meet her. I'm not going to do anything to intentionally bring on labor before 37 weeks because if anything happened, I would feel so guilty, but I kinda just wish it would happen on it's own and everything would be fine.

I also worry that I missed my only chance to have a successful labor on my own. What if the terbutaline totally confused my body and now I'll never go into labor again on my own? Maybe I had a good thing going there and now it's completely screwed up and I'll never get it back. Okay, I could be exaggerating a little, but I do worry about this possibility.
And normally I would love to be ordered to be on rest, but right now I feel so anxious and antsy and have so many things I want to do to help pass the time a little.
This waiting and wondering is very hard for a control freak like me