I hate this part

I hate the first trimester. I actually have it pretty good in terms of symptoms.. I only get mildly nauseous from weeks 7-12, my boobs never hurt and I don't get the extreme fatigue everyone talks about. This is great right? Well, sort of. Without these symptoms to assure me I'm still pregnant, I worry all the time. At least this time I know this is normal for me.

I hate this trimester because you can't just be excited. I have to be worried all the time that I'm going to lose the baby.

It started pretty much immediately. After I got my first positive, I took another test friday morning to see if the test line had gotten any darker. It had, but only slightly. So, I had one leftover regular first response test at home. The previous tests were the "early result" first response tests. I decided to take that regular test on friday night. I didn't think there could really be THAT big of a difference between the early and regular tests. Right? I always kind of thought those labels were just a marketing ploy anyway. Wrong. The test came up NEGATIVE! I freaked out and had E run to the store to get me a new box of early tests so I could take one and reassure myself that I was indeed still pregnant.

The early test came up positive and was even a little bit darker than the friday morning test. Relief. I didn't test on saturday because I was making myself crazy, but tested one last time on sunday morning to see if it was darker. It was slightly, and I mean SLIGHTLY.

Tuesday Aug 9 I had my first HCG and progesterone drawn. I started taking my progesterone supplements the day I found out this time because it was so low with C's pregnancy, so I had them ready to go. Usually progesterone is over 20 when pregnant, but HAS to be above 12 at the bare minimum. Normal HCG at 4 weeks is 5-426, which I've never understood why there's such a huge range.

My doc called on Wednesday and my HCG was 104 and progesterone was only 12.2 even WITH my supplements. I was not happy at all about these results. I was exactly 4 weeks with this test and when I had my first level drawn with C, her HCG was 582 at 4 wks 2 days. Why is this one so low? What if it's not a healthy baby? I started analyzing. I thought that pregnancy tests detected HCG at a level of 20, so if I got a positive on thursday and it was 20, HCG should double every two days which means it should have been 120 by Tuesday. 104 is too low!!!! I balled hysterically, I was sure I was miscarrying. My doc assured me that every baby is different and said it's not was your HCG IS, but rather what it DOES.

Then I talked to my sis and she said that the regular tests detect at 20, but the early tests detect at 12. Oh good. That means that it wasn't even at 20 on friday because I got a negative on the regular test. So, lets say it was 12 on thursday... 24 saturday...48 monday...should have been 72 by Tuesday? So this means 104 is actually good. Small sigh of relief. Still wondering why it's so much lower than C's was, but I was two days further along with her and maybe she implanted earlier than this one did. Who knows?

So I had my second draw on Thursday and traded days at work. I was supposed to work friday, but I didn't want to get my results from the doc that I was miscarrying while at work, so I traded out of friday and into saturday :-/

Friday morning my docs nurse called and said "how much do you love me?" I knew by that statement, that the results must be good. My HCG was 301 and progesterone was 56! My doc had increased my progesterone from once a day to twice a day with the last result. It helped I guess! I was soooo relieved that the baby was growing at a good pace. The way my doc office works is once you have two HCG's drawn and they're doubling, you can make your first appointment for 6-7 wks. So, I was pumped to make my appt, but the nurse said that because they caught the pregnancy sooo early, my doc wants to test the HCG one more time the following week before I make an appointment. This bummed and worried me because I'm not any earlier than I was with C, and they didn't make me do a third with her. They must clearly be just as concerned as I am with the lower numbers, but don't want to tell me? If they were so confident in the pregnancy then why won't they let me make an appt?

I had that final test drawn today Tuesday Aug 16 and will know results tomorrow. I'm soooo nervous and praying for a healthy growing baby. Ugh, when will it be the second trimester already?