Christmas Eve

I woke up this morning and felt sick to my stomach. Not like I was physically going to be sick, but rather the slight nausea I get when I'm nervous or upset. Christmas Eve is pretty much christmas in our house. We will do most of the celebrating today. Up to this point, I hadn't thought today would bother me, but now that it's here, it does. I cried last night and this morning when I woke up. It is Christmas but I am not 24 weeks pregnant. Brynn is not with me. She will never experience Christmas with her family. This day is a celebration of a very important birth. A giant birthday party for Jesus. Brynn's birth was not a celebration. She will never have a birthday party. I will not get my baby in April. Today everyone will be joyous and smiling and no one will give Brynn a thought. It feels very lonely because it will be all I think about. Merry Christmas Brynn, I love and miss you so very much.