If I had lost her just a few weeks earlier, they would have labeled it a simple miscarriage that required a D&C. Not far enough along to deliver and acknowledge it as a baby. I think this would be so hard because you wouldn't get to see your baby or know if it was a boy or girl. Wouldn't be able to name the baby, get footprints, a "birth certificate" or pictures. No one would really acknowledge that you lost a baby. I think people wouldn't see it as much of a loss... "oh she just miscarried, that happens sometimes".
The fact that I got to give birth to my baby, name her, hold her, celebrate her short life inside of me and have the nurses and doctors treat her as a baby and not just some tissue you throw in the trash made such a difference to me. I got to decide if I wanted her cremated or buried just like you would any other lost family member. Honored and remembered.
But on the flip side it would have been worse if I was any further along than I already was. If I had found out the gender that day, I would've started to decorate the room, buy things for her, call her by name and get even more attached than I already was. I think losing a late term pregnancy would be so so much harder. To have to go through painful labor and delivery only to deliver a fully grown but dead baby would be pure torture. My physical pain and effort were very minimal with such a small baby and I'm grateful for that.
I lost Brynn at the perfect "in between" time and it's one thing I'm thankful for in this whole mess.
No comments:
Post a Comment