I was sitting in church on Sunday trying to find comfort or guidance and next to me sits a brand new mom with her fresh newborn baby.
The perinatologists office called on friday and left a message reminding me of my appointment for my level two ultrasound at 9:30 am Tues Nov 22. I called and told them my baby had died.
Thanksgiving is this week. I can have all the carbs I want but I'm not happy about it.
I get new medical bills almost every day. I owe over $3000 out of pocket now, but have no baby to show for it.
Every monday through April in my calendar has a little number written in the corner that marks how many weeks I would be. Today it says "19"
I finally did a bunch of laundry a few days ago and had a bunch of maternity clothes that I had to return to the very back of my closet.... until next time.
My monthly OB appointment is written in my calendar for Wed Nov 23. I made a dentist appointment in it's place. I can have dental work done now that I'm not pregnant. Guess I should take advantage of it.
I keep bleeding. I won't bleed for two days, so I'll think it's done, but then on the third day it comes back for one day, and then goes away again for another two. It's like it just wants to torture me.
Corynn goes to jump on my stomach and for a second I flinch thinking I need to stop her, but I quickly remember there is no need.
Winter is setting in with it's depressing grey sky and short days. I remember when I realized I would be pregnant through the winter, I thought "oh good, I'll have something to look forward to to keep me from getting winter blues". Now I just have something to make me even more depressed than winter would by itself.
My newly changed password for my work email meant "in November I'll know if it's a boy or girl". Every time I type my password I wanna puke.
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