Tiffany,
WOW!!!!!!
Do I have a lot on my mind right now.......The past 2 weeks I have been thinking alot about you. FYI I have been seeing your facebook updates and reading your blog for the past year or more. I am BEYOND PISSED and UPSET that I even know you or that you ever took care of my children to say the least.
1. You should not be a nurse, much less a NICU nurse.
2. You should probably not even be a mother or have been given the chance to be a mother- especially to a HEALTHY baby, GOD FUCKING FORBID you from ever having a UNHEALTHY child or a child that has CEREBRAL PALSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. I am completely DISGUSTEDDDDDDDDDD with what I have read the past couple days in your blog especially tonights blog!
You have no fucking idea what you are talking about. You have no fucking clue what mothers go through on a daily basis of children with special needs or any deficits at all. How can you be taking care of sick, preterm babies, babies fighting for their lives each and every single second. Talking to their moms and encouraging them???????????? You probably secretly hope that every single baby you take care of at work just DIES because they are not HEALTHY!!!! KARMA IS A BITCH! And yours is not done my dear!!!! (remember your life has been utterly PERFECT until 10/31/2011. :)
I spent 110 days with L in the NICU and 115 days in the NICU with G. You have no idea what I went through as a mother and you have no idea what any mother of a child in any NICU goes through because you have never been on that side of things. You are on the other side (which you shouldn't be!!!!). I pray you never take care of a sick child again as a nurse.
Do you have any idea what I go through on a daily basis?????? NO!!!!! My daughter is over 2 years old and just now can sit up on her own. She doesn't walk yet, doesnt' talk, and is still on thickened liquids (there is much more to list of her deficits but I will SPARE you the details because I know how DISGUSTING this is to you to hear about a NON-PERFECT child being born and that is still alive-STRUGGLING!!!!!. I guess you should bring a gun over and shoot L in the FUCKING FACE because she is diagnosed with CEREBRAL PALSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why woulld anyone want a child with this diagnosis. WAIT?!!!!! Thats what I always hoped for!!!!! I wanted this!!!!! I wanted all of these struggles in my life and every day wondering what I did to deserve this, going to couseling, taking medication, and being a complete bitch to my husband for no reason at all because I still BLAME myself for something that I may have done (which all the doctors keep telling me that nothing I did was my fault). I wasn't even trying to get pregnant much less have twins. AND no I didn't drink caffinne or smoke or do drugs to deserve going into spontaneously preterm labor at 26.6 weeks. AND no I didn't get punched in the stomach or get beaten to deserve my daughter to have a subdural hematoma that caused an anoxic brain inury!!!! I have so MANY fucking questions for GOD/doctors (AND NOOOOOOOOOOO ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that I don't know if he will ever be able to answer them. Atleast you TIFFANY have answers of why your second child "died". I have felt so sorry for you since this happened on halloween and now I am disgusted that I ever wasted any time praying for god to comfort you or have ever spent any time thinking about you or how you were feeling.
If you have all of these things running through your mind then maybe you should write them in a notebook and keep it to yourself-no one with UNHEALTHY children wants to read this SHIT!!!!!!! I hope all the people that you assume are reading your blog have HEALTHY children. And for you to even bad mouth J of all people for bringing you food while she was 9 months pregnant and being pissed about her being pregnant is crazy. At least J wouldn't kill her child in the womb if it had a genetic defect. You have been so fucking paranoid about genetic defects, getting all of these extra tests done to make EXTRA sure your child is healthy is ridiculous. I BELIEVE that you are a person that if found out there was any chance at all that your child might have a predisposition to be genetically defected you would get an abortion- probably even in the 9th month!!!!!
GUESS WHAT?!!!!! Reality is you have 1 child, Corynn that is supposedly PERFECT (now) and you are still a UNGRATEFUL BITCH! You have to have 2!!!!!!! Healthy!!!! Right??????????? (OH NO HOW THEIR NAMES WON"T MATCH- damn it you had to use that "matching" name for your DEAD baby!) You can't wait to start having sex and get pregnant again, can you?????????? Better hope that it's healthy!!!!! OR doesn't do summersaults again and wrap it's cord around it's neck, and better hope that your multi vitamins work and your folic acid is high enough for your baby to not develop spina bifidia- oh wait that wouldn't matter because you would just KILL it by having a abortion (because you already have a ANGEL name picked out!!!!) Then you could just go have sex again and try for another HEALTHY baby.....oh wait, that might not happen but don't worry Tiffany because you have 4 ANGEL names picked out!!!!!! Since your such a planner you better hope that you don't have more than 4 more miscarriages or sontaenously early labors- because then you might have to use a name that you didn't prepare for?!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! something might happen in your life that you didn't plan!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT GOD AND CANNOT PLAN YOUR LIFE!!!!!
Lets talk about the quilts of DEAD children at childrens mercy for a second- YES THEY PISS ME THE FUCK OFF and probably every other parent of a sick child in the hospital that is living, has cancer, or is fighting to stay alive in the NICU. I don't want to see that shit every time I walk to the caffeteria, to an elevator, or to a doctors appt. I DON'T WANT my childs picture up there. It doesn't give you hope it gives you FEAR that your childs picture will be up there. Maybe it is comforting to those that have lost their child but do they have to go to that hospital multiple times a year and see that quilt? NO it's the parents of sick children that have to walk by them. I walked by those damn quilts from 7/11/09- 10/20/09 every day praying that my childs face wouldn't be up there. They should be in a certain spot in the hospital that is optionalfor people to visit. NOT shoved down your throat every corner you turn seeing dead faces of babies with tubes down every orifice of their body. Now that I think about it you probably like seeing all of the dead babies up there because they were UNHEALTHY and should have never even have been born much less lived!!!!! RIGHT TIFFANY?????!!!!
I have pages and more pages to write to you and much more on my mind- believe me!!!! But for now this will do. I hope to never see your face again or hear about "horrible" your life is. And I hope you never bitch about how Corynn is annoying you- but wait she is walking now and that is so "freeing!!!!" right????? You bitched for the last year about how annoying she has been to you and you can't get shit done and now you are grateful for it. Pick a fucking side- do you want children or not? And if so then don't complain all the time. If you for some reason you ever do have a child that does happen to have special needs I feel sorry for them because you will never give them the love or attention that they deserve because you are a selfish awful human being. If for some reason I do see your face again I want you to not acknowledge me, my kids, or my husband. You better run fast! I wish I would have never met you, or have you taken care of my kids in the NICU.
In the end.....God will give you what YOU truly deserve!
As a mom to a special needs kid I can say that I was never offended by what you wrote. You are going through a terrible time and you are BRAVE enough to share all the strange and irrational thoughts and ideas that you're having while you are going through your grief process. It is clear that this woman is very angry and bitter and I'm sorry she's taking it out on you.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't take what this person says personally. That kind of anger is all about them, not about you. We are all entitled to our opinions/beliefs, etc. I am glad you are making this private, so you don't have to hear any more hogwash. I think there are a lot of folks out there who are so hurt and angry and a vulnerable person seems like a good target to them. Keep your chin up. I truly believe all people are doing the best they can. You might say a prayer for her. It sounds like she could use one (or several).
ReplyDelete