the birth story

Looks like my instincts were off a bit. I had really really thought I would not go into labor early. I thought I would go all the way to my induction date of Sep 4th and that we would look back on the bedrest and think it was over-kill. But on Monday July 30th at 32 weeks and 5 days I got a reality check.

Corynn was at my sisters that day as usual for mondays and I was just laying in my recliner as usual. It was a cloudy overcast day and I had woke up at like 3am that morning and just felt "off". Couldn't get comfortable, couldn't sleep yet I was really really tired. I napped on and off through the morning and did a whole lot of nothing. At around 3pm I spent about 20 minutes painting the letters O and E to hang on the nursery wall. 

What's funny is that all day I had been wondering what it's like to go into labor on your own. Yes, I knew what contractions felt like but with Corynn I was induced so I went from nothing to full labor in a matter of minutes. So I just wondered if I would know when labor was starting. I wondered if it would start mild or would it be just like the induction or would it be a much longer gradual process? I even posted some questions about it on baby center. It was heavily on my mind that day.
I also didn't know this until after they were born, but it was also a full moon and apparently if you're "ready" a full moon is likely to send you into labor.

 At my 32 week check up just 6 days prior, I hadn't been having any contractions and no more dilation since 28 weeks and Owen was breech so we weren't worried about the pressure of his head anymore, so my OB gave me permission to do some small things again and one of those was driving. She said since my cervix had no change at all and my meds were working to keep contractions away, she felt confident that I wasn't going into labor and felt safe reducing my restrictions just a bit.
So, at 4pm on July 30th I left my house to go pick up Corynn from my sisters house so that we would be home when Erik got home from work a little after 5:00. As soon as I sat down in the car I felt a crampy pressure, but I'd had lots of feelings like that before so I just thought it was my usual discomfort. I stopped at sonic to get a vanilla ice cream cone for a snack and while I was sitting there I realized I kept getting these cramps every 5-6 minutes. My scheduled procardia dose was due at 5pm so I just thought my med was getting close to wearing off. No big deal, happens all the time. I would just get home and take my med and they'll go away. So I ate my ice cream and started driving and as I drove they kept coming 5 min apart and were gradually getting a little more uncomfortable. I started to wonder if I should worry when I realized I was having an abnormal amount of road rage and irritability toward all the traffic on I35. They were making me uncomfortable enough that having to sit in rush hour traffic was really getting to me. 

I arrived at my sisters house and at this point they were still just cramps so I easily walked in, used the restroom, could talk through them no problem and I told my sister what I'd been feeling but told her it was probably nothing. She loaded Corynn in the car for me and I went on my way with one half of me wondering if this could be it and the other half of me thinking "no way". 

As I drove home, they continued to grow in intensity but still not to the point where I would call them "contractions". 

I got home at about 5:15pm and as soon as I stood up out of the car I had my first pain that I would call a contraction. It was the familiar pain I remembered from Corynn's birth. As I walked up my sidewalk I had a ton of pressure that made it a little difficult to walk or stand up straight. This is when I actually started to get a little worried. 

I took my procardia along with a PRN vistaril in hopes that the two meds together would knock out the cramps. I sat in my recliner and waited to see what would happen. I told both grandmas what was happening but told them I wasn't really sure if it was labor or not. I knew that if it wasn't real labor, my meds would get rid of it but if it was "real" the meds would not work. Eriks mom who lives in manhattan KS was already in Lawrence for a meeting and asked me if I thought she should just come this way or head back home to Manhattan? I told her I wasn't sure. I also didn't tell any of my close friends or other family because I hate getting everyone excited over false labor. I knew if I went to the hospital, they would just do the same thing I did at home.... give me meds and wait for them to work. So I decided I would wait an hour to see if they did the job. I took the meds at 5:30 and by 6:30 the contractions had gotten to the point that I couldn't talk through them. I would have to stop and grip the chair in pain. If I stood up, they would get really bad. At this point Erik was trying to convince me to go to the hospital. He was pointing out that none of my previous false labor/ braxton hicks contractions ever caused pain and that if I was in pain it had to be the real thing. Part of me knew he was right but I still thought the meds could kick in at any moment and I would hate to get to the hospital only for everything to stop and I feel like an idiot and get everyone worked up over nothing, so I told him I wanted to wait until 7:30. That would give the meds two whole hours to try and work.
Erik thought I was insane and proceeded to pack our hospital bag while I was in denial.
He was worried because my labor was pretty quick with Corynn and he was afraid I would end up trying to deliver a breech baby in the car and they would die in the process. Once he made this arguement I decided that yes maybe I should at least call the on call OB and see what they think I should do. At about 7pm I put in the call and waited for her to call back. After I left my message I got up to use the restroom and HOLY HELL contraction! I had to hold on to the walls and then I had a bit of bloody show and decided I better get to the hospital. I yelled out to Erik "umm yeah, we need to hurry up and go" and he replied "I told you!"
As I was getting in the car the OB called back and I didn't ASK her what I should do, I told her "I'm  almost 33 weeks with twins and have been having painful contractions 5min apart since 4pm so I'm headed to the hospital." She replied with a panicked sounding "SINCE 4:00?!" Oops, guess I should've gone sooner?
She then inquired what pregnancy this was for me and then asked how quick my first labor went (2.5hrs) and then told me "OK I just ran a red light, I'll see you at the hospital."
At this point I called my mom and Erik called his mom who had now made it all the way home to manhattan and now had to turn around. These were the only people who got the memo. By this point I was just so focused on the pain on the way to the hospital that I neglected to tell anyone else about what was going on. One of my sisters didn't even know what was happening until Erik texted her right when we were going in for csection and Erik's mom apparently didn't arrive until right as they were being born. Once I had realized I was in real labor, things just moved so quickly.
Erik dropped me at the door and I hobbled myself in to the front desk to check in while hunched over the counter swaying back and forth during contractions. Erik parked the car and he and Corynn joined me in the waiting room. By 7:30 I was checked into my room and was now in tears with the contractions. Shortly after, my parents arrived and one of my sisters came to get Corynn.
The OB came in at about 7:45 and checked me and I was 4cm 80% with significant bloody show. I had previously been 2cm 30% at my last OB appointment and had been the same for four weeks. The doc did a quick ultrasound to confirm that Owen was still breech. He was. She said the plan would be to watch me for a little bit and see if I progressed quickly which would tell them that it's unstoppable real labor and then proceed with a csection or if I didn't progress much they would start magnesium again in an attempt to stop labor. They also gave me another steroid shot in addition to the ones I had at 28 weeks. My contractions were coming about 2-4 min apart although they looked tiny on the monitor. This happened with Corynn too.. My braxton hicks contractions always looked bigger and more "real" than when I was actually in labor. The real contractions are so much deeper/ internal and harder to detect from the surface.
But because of how I was reacting to these "small" contractions, the OB decided to check me again at 8:15 and I was 5cm and 100% so she made the decision to go ahead with the csection. At this point I was in bad pain and asked for my epidural to which my nurse said I could have once we get in the O.R.
I was thinking that we would be heading that way immediately and voiced my concern that I progress quickly and I wanted to make sure that I didn't progress so fast that there would be no time for an epidural. It was very important to me that I NOT be put under general anesthesia!
My nurse stood there and proceeded to chart on her computer!! After about 20 minutes went by, I had a strong contraction and yelled "HURRY"! The OB was also in the room at this point and she looked up at me and then at the nurse and said "alright, we need to be getting her in the O.R." and she started to unplug my bed and then yelled out to the nurses station "I need some help in here". My current nurse then pipes up " Oh,I've got it dr L" and the OB said "well, you need to get off the computer and get moving." There was definitely some tension between the two of them, but I was glad she was so pushy with her. If I had been a vaginal delivery, I would've had my epidural already but because I was going to be a csection and they preferred to just do everything in the O.R., I had to deal with the pain for an extra 45 minutes while my nurse poked around. I was rather annoyed about it, especially because I knew we could possibly run out of time.
At 8:45 I was taken to the O.R. and got my epidural. Sweet heaven! Again, just like my last two epidurals, it didn't hurt at all and went in easily with no problems. The Doctor checked my cervix one more time just to see how far down she would have to pull Owen out of the birth canal. She said I was now 6cm with feet hanging down. I was dilating about 1cm every 30 minutes.
They had a little trouble getting enough medication to make me completely numb which worried me because I did not want to be put to sleep and miss the birth. I think that would be horrible. But eventually it worked.
First came Owen at 9:19 pm. I heard a beautiful cry that brought tears to my eyes. He was pink and perfect and had apgars of 8 and 9 and needed no oxygen immediately after birth. Perfect. He was 4lb 6oz. Then I waited for Eden. I could feel a lot more tugging and pulling and manipulating with her. I didn't know until that day that the epidural does not take away the feeling of touch, it only removes pain. I could feel every hand and finger poking around in my abdomen. The mood in the room went from laughter and joy to a tense and serious situation. The OB was having trouble getting Eden out. I wasn't worried at this point though because I always thought a csection was such a controlled situation that really nothing could go wrong as far as delivery of the baby/ birth trauma. Apparently I was wrong about this. After about five minutes of manipulation and a couple extra cuts to my uterus, Eden was out. No cry. She was purple and floppy. The OB gave her a strong sternal rub and Eden let out a cry and I breathed a sigh of relief. Once they had her on the warmer we could see how horribly bruised she was, especially her left arm which was completely purple and swollen. She would cry a bit but then stop breathing again and the team would have to bag her (give manual breaths with the resuscitation bag). After several apneic episodes (not breathing) they decided to take her out to the NICU. Her apgars were 3,5 and 7. She weighed 4lb 2oz. It is unclear what time she was born. When I asked in the delivery room, everyone was like "ummmm I'd say about 9:23 or so". I think the situation was so intense that no one had bothered to look at the clock when she arrived. Her birth certificate says 9:23 but her NICU bracelet and documentation says 9:26 but if you watch the video Erik took, she was actually born at 9:24. Five minutes apart is a long time for a csection! Apparently what happened was after Owen was born, Eden took advantage of all the space and flipped from a head down position to  transverse and curled up in a tight ball with her left side facing the small incision. According to my doctor, it is near impossible to deliver a baby in this position from a tiny typical csection incision. She explained that if they cut me completely open, then yes a csection would be uneventful no matter what, but she said that delivering through a tiny bikini incision is just as limiting as delivering through the vagina. She said you really need the baby to be head or butt first. The only thing that makes the csection safer is that you can make the hole bigger if needed.
The OB that delivered me attempted to turn Eden and managed only to get her left arm out in the process. At this point my uterus started to clamp down as it would normally do after the baby is delivered. This can happen in twins once the first baby is out. So, Edens arm was stuck outside of the uterus getting squeezed while the rest of her is stuck on the inside. At this point the OB had no choice but to widen my horizontal incision more as well as make a vertical incision to my uterus in order to finally release Eden. As she was sewing me up she told me I could never try a vbac if I ever wanted more kids because my uterus was DONE after this. Luckily, we are also DONE having kids.
After Eden was taken away, they swaddled Owen and let me hold him for a couple minutes before taking him to the NICU. My babies were finally here and I was happy and relieved.

out of control

my blood sugars have been much harder to manage this pregnancy compared to when I was pregnant with Corynn. With her, I had no trouble controlling them with diet and I could even occasionally take a little extra bite of something yummy and it wouldn't really affect my sugar. I only took 2.5 mg of glyburide at night with her because my fasting sugars would occasionally be over 90, but that's it.
This time having two placentas is making it impossible to control. I take 7.5mg glyburide at morning AND night. I have been so strict and eating even less carbs than they say I can have just to try and keep my blood sugar down below 120 (two hours after meals) but my sugars are STILL high.
For example: I have to have a snack with protein and up to 20g of carbs right before bed to hold my sugar stable through the night so that I don't get low and in response my liver would release glucose stores thinking I'm starving which would make my fasting sugar high. Lately my fastings have been high so the other night I had two hard boiled eggs and a glass of milk for my snack and my fasting was 102 the next morning!! With Corynn I would only have a high morning sugar like that if I tried to cheat and have 1/2 cup of ice cream with pb for my bedtime snack.
This is insane! So then I had a sausage biscuit from mcdonalds for breakfast. This has always been one of my favorite diabetes friendly things to eat. It's yummy, has plenty of filling protein and only 34g of carbs (I'm allowed 45 in a meal). Well two hours after eating that my sugar was a whopping 152!! So I skipped my morning snack to try and get it back down and for lunch I only had a half turkey sandwich with ONE slice of bread (18g carbs) because a few days ago my full turkey sandwich (36g) gave me a sugar of 121 which isn't horrible but the fact that it was even over the line was so stupid! So after my no snack and half lunch, my sugar finally came down to 97 and then I was STARVING and inhaled a hamburger like a starved orphan.
I called my OB yesterday to tell her that I don't know what to do anymore. I'm already cutting out carbs that I'm supposed to be eating and I'm really hungry all the time yet my sugars are still high.
The other night I had green beans and cooked tofu for dinner. NO CARBS. Well, I think tofu has like 6grams, but it's basically no carbs and I didn't even check two hours later bc I figured it would be fine. I did however check it four hours after because I was going to have my bedtime snack and it was 116! This would be a great number for the two hour mark but FOUR HOURS??!! Makes me wonder what it actually was at the two hour mark.
So my OB called back and said she is not comfortable increasing my medication dose anymore without perinatal approval. She is sending me for a consult with them because we're really out of options. She doesn't want me to restrict my carbs anymore because I need to be eating SOME carbs for energy or I'll start producing ketones which is not good for the babies.
I am very frustrated because I feel like no matter how hard I'm trying, I'm harming my babies. Diabetes is a well known cause of a prematurely aging placenta like Owen has. I feel like it's my fault yet there's nothing else I can do. I hope the perinatologist has some insight.

no news is good news

had my weekly ultrasound. These are so good for my mental health. They keep me satisfied for about 3-4 days and then I start getting antsy for another one.
Owens placenta is still looking very aged (grade 3) but so far is functioning great. Both passed their bios and cord flows looked great. Really nothing new to share.
Eden was head down but it doesn't really matter because Owen is still breech and he has to be head down to deliver vaginally because he's first. Bad boy.
My contractions had been feeling lower and more intense so I asked my doctor to check my cervix and I'm still at 2cm. My contractions are only like maybe two an hour while on the procardia so this is keeping me from dilating further.
32 weeks tomorrow and I'm ready to be done. I'm ready to have them here and stop worrying about them.
My sugars have been getting hard to control again. Two placentas is killing me! I already eat less carbs than I'm allowed and my sugars are still high, so my doc increased my dose of glyburide again.
That's about all. Pretty low key appointment.

THE NURSERY!

Yesterday I finally got to see the nursery for the first time. I hadn't wanted to put any effort into doing a nursery myself because I was afraid it would crush me if something bad happened to the babies, so my mom wanted to do one for me.
At first I didn't want to see it until the babies came home from the hospital  and if something happened to them, I wanted it all taken down so I would never have to look at it. But then I started thinking about it and realized that if something tragic were to happen, having not seen the nursery would not help my grieving. In fact, it might make it worse in a way by just trying to ignore it and not confronting it. I would still always have known there was a nursery that I never saw and then I think I would regret never having seen it or enjoyed it.
So, I decided I wanted to see it once my mom was finished and that day was yesterday!
It is so beautiful. The cribs are back to back and have their names on them.. Owens has a blue background and Edens has a coral background and they both have a sunshine and either starfish or flowers around their name. The whole room is done in a beach theme which I LOVE. The furniture is white and the walls are a very light beige and cream to look like sand and the curtains are roman shades that kind of look like burlap (but isn't) and are pulled up with thin rope and starfish hanging from them. There is a lamp with sea shells inside. The sheets and bumpers are white but the bed skirts are blue for the "water". Owen has a blue Whale in his bed and my mom is making a coral seahorse for Eden's bed.
There are three paintings on the wall of little kids playing in the sand at the beach. Two girls and a boy.
I sat in the room pretty much all day. I started slowly organizing drawers and the closet, although I couldn't do much because of my bed rest, so there's still a lot of organizing to be done.
I was so happy but of course couldn't shake the feeling of anxiety and slight sadness. Every time I start to get anything ready for the babies, I have this struggle with being happy vs cautious and sad. I hate it. I just felt kind of down all day. I would sit in the room and stare at everything and just hope that the babies survive and that I will get to use the nursery. I'm so so so so afraid I won't bring them home to that room and then I'll have to come home to it and take it all down. These feelings just get in the way of me being truly happy.
I love the room, but I want my babies here so I can stop worrying about them!

31 week update

So, I got it clarified... the perinatologist had only written a recommendation to my OB to "follow up in two weeks" with an ultrasound. She did not specify that growth needed to be checked or that I should have it checked every two weeks, that is just how I understood it.
My OB emphasized that growth measurements are so small that looking at a change any more often than every four weeks will not give you good accurate information. So, we will only measure growth monthly. Looking at placentas and cord flow IS in fact a part of a biophysical profile scan, so we will be checking on that weekly. I was satisfied that at least this would be looked at frequently.
This time both babies were moving around and doing breathing exercises right away and passed their bios within the first minute. Edens placenta doesn't look too bad but Owens is pretty bad. It's a grade 3 now and looks really calcified, but both of their cord flows were 2.6-2.8 this time which is totally normal thanks to my bed rest . I was VERY happy about this! The US tech explained that they would never deliver early based solely on a calcified placenta. She said they look at how well the placenta is functioning to make that decision and the best indicators of that are cord flow (S/D ratio), amniotic fluid level and growth and if all of those things are fine, there is no need to worry. She said she's seen really calcified placentas produce huge healthy babies and seen really perfect looking placentas produce tiny growth restricted babies. She said a calcified placenta by itself is really nothing to worry too much about.
And then I saw my OB and she told me all the same things and said that with the way the babies are looking, we will still plan on going to the full 38 weeks. She said at this point she has no real reason to take them early. We will of course reevaluate on a weekly basis, but for now we're saying 38 weeks. She doesn't think I'll make it that far and thinks I'll go into labor on my own before that. But honestly, I disagree with her.
If I had to guess, I will NOT go on my own despite all this preterm labor/ dilation drama. We did this same thing with Corynn. At 35 weeks I was having regular "contractions" and dilated to 2.5cm and 80% effaced. I lost my mucus plug the next day. I continued to dilate about 1cm a week as well as have regular braxton hicks contractions. My doctor said every week that I would go into labor any day. I NEVER did. I made it to 39 weeks and was induced at 5cm 100%. Who knows how long I would've gone on my own before going into labor!
Of course this time this same thing started to happen at 28 weeks so it was a little more worrisome and we needed to take it seriously and treat it as pre term labor even if it wasn't the real thing. I honestly think that this is just what I do... I have a lot of regular braxton hicks weeks and weeks before I were to go into labor and my cervix dilates easily so these BH cause me to start slowly dilating, but it doesn't mean anything "real" is going to happen. And now I'm on medication to stop my BH contractions so I REALLY don't think I will go into labor on my own. Plus the bed rest I'm sure prevents me from rapidly dilating.
My doctor didn't check my cervix yesterday. She said she'll only check it if I start having more contractions again. No need to stir things up at this point now that everything is calmed down.
Both babies are still breech this week. I think it's getting pretty crowded in there because their movements are pretty small now and my doctor decided to go ahead and schedule me for a csection on September 4th so that we can get a 'good O.R. time" (good for her I think).This is pending the peri's approval because Shawnee mission has a strict policy of not delivering before 38 weeks for twins and 39 weeks for a single. I will be 37wk 6days on Sep 4th, and I asked "would they seriously care about a one day difference?" and she said that yes they are kind of nazis about it and won't allow anything any earlier without an emergent reason or perinatal approval. My doctor ONLY delivers at Shawnee Mission on Tuesdays, so if we don't do it that day, I'll have to wait until Sep 11 when I'll be one day away from 39 weeks. Ugh, pleas NO! My belly will be measuring at 48 weeks by then. Hopefully the peri approves Sep 4th.
As far as CS vs induction she said we can always cancel the csection if they flip head down again but for now she's thinking that may not happen. Oh well, at this point I don't really care how they get here. Of course I would prefer a vaginal delivery but it's not that big of a deal to me. I've accepted the high possibility of a csection.
At 34 weeks I will switch to more of a modified bed rest and at 35 or 36 weeks we will start weaning me off of the pericardia and after that point we just let things happen naturally. But I would be willing to put money on it that NOTHING will happen.
In other news, I have had very little weight gain due to my GD diet. At 24 weeks I had gained 12 lb and then it pretty much came to a halt. At my 29 week appointment I had gained 1 more lb for a total of 13lb. But this past week I had said to Erik that I felt like I was gaining weight. I started getting puffy and swollen an my clothes just felt tighter. Sure enough I gained 6lb in TWO weeks time! This is the biggest most rapid pregnancy weight gain I've ever had. I couldn't believe it because I feel so freaking hungry all the time and never get to eat anything yummy, so I know the weight gain can't be from too many calories. My doctor just said that this is the time for the most rapid growth and weight gain of the babies and in addition to two heavy babies, I'm starting to retain fluid. My lips and nose look puffy and if I stand for more than about 5 minutes or even have my feet dangling instead of elevated, they start to puff up, swell, throb and turn  a blotchy purplish red color and I develop some lovely cankles. I never really had this too bad with Corynn, so this is new for me. My stretch marks are also starting to hurt and itch and burn and my skin is really shiny and stretched looking and starting to crack and flake.
Back to the subject of diabetes, my doctor said that the fact that I have to be so strict with my diet or my sugars will go crazy high is a good sign that the placentas are functioning well. She said that if they start crapping out that they will secrete less hormones (that bind to my insulin receptor sites) and I would notice a change in my sugars. They would start to be much lower and I would be able to eat more carbs without consequence. So this makes me feel pretty comfortable because I can NOT budge with my carbs right now and this info gives me something to work with to feel like I have some way of monitoring them in between appointments.
I never feel like they move enough and have started getting my doppler out again and doing my own home non-stress tests. I did tell my doctor that I don't feel like they move enough, although they do move and she said it's fine as long as they're moving and reminded/ reassured me that they just don't have much space. I'm always amazed that they pass their bios so well because I'm such a worried wreck that I'm always convinced something is wrong, but then every week I'm reassured that they are just fine. I'm so grateful for weekly ultrasounds to take my anxiety down a notch.

30 week ultrasound

We made it to the 30's!!! Feeling very good about this. Now I have two week goals from here out: 32 is better than 30 and 34 is better than 32 and 36 is better than 34 and after that I'm good to go.
I had an ultrasound on Wednesday that I thought was supposed to be a biophysical and growth check because the peri had said we needed to check out growth every two weeks due to the placenta and cord issues. When I got in there the US tech only had me down for a bio. For those who don't know, this looks at heart rate, amniotic fluid level, gross and fine movements and practice breathing that the baby should be doing. They give the baby a score and I'm not sure how the points are broken down but each baby has to get 8 out of 8 or further monitoring and intervention is needed if they don't. Last week at 29 weeks I had to ask the US tech to look at the placentas and cord flow and tell her why I was concerned about it. My OB had been on vacation the previous two weeks while I was in the hospital and had just gotten back that day so I just figured she hadn't seen my report yet and didn't order anything extra in the ultrasound.
So then I had my appt with her and discussed what the perinatologist had said and I thought we were on the same page as far as concern level goes because she talked about delivery at 34 weeks.
But then this week the US tech once again only had me down for a bio. I told her the peri wanted to look at growth every two weeks and the on call OB in the hospital said we would look at placentas and cords weekly.
Well this week the tech said normally they do growth monthly because two weeks won't show much change and that my doctor hadn't ordered to look at those things but she would do it just this one time for me.
I was very frustrated with this because I'm getting different messages from different doctors. I was looking at my appt schedule and after next week, I didn't have any US ordered until 34 weeks. Ummmm how are we supposed to decide if it's necessary to deliver at 34 weeks if we don't have any US to check on things up to that point?! I called the peri to see if I was supposed to follow up with her and the nurse said that no, they had just sent recommendations to my OB and that I would just continue to see her and that's who I should speak with.
So I called my OB and they got me scheduled for weekly bios but said once again that growth will only be checked monthly but that they would review the notes from the peri and see exactly what her recommendation was and may or may not change the orders based on the report. Ugh.  Then I asked about the placentas and cords and the nurse said "I thought that was part of a bio anyway". Well, I have no idea but it sure seemed like I had to really convince the techs to look at those things. I asked if she could please make sure of this and if not, make sure it is ordered for my remaining ultrasounds.
I don't know if I'm just overreacting or what, but I get the feeling my OB is not taking this issue as seriously as myself or the peri. The peri acted like it was definitely something to pay close attention to and I sure as hell want to check it out every week. Heck, I'd prefer to check on it every day if I could.
We'll see what happens next week and see how big of a fit I'll have to throw. Hopefully they'll get it together and just do what I'm asking.
But for this week their growth had greatly improved! Owen was 3lb 5oz/ 58th percentile and Eden was 3lb 3oz/ 54th percentile. Last week they were in the 44th and 40th percentiles so all this bed rest has given them a lot more energy to draw from and they grew like crazy!
Eden passed her bio right away but it took Owen awhile because he was not moving or doing practice breathing at all. The tech kept pushing on my belly trying to wake him up but he was not budging. It was starting to freak me out but then finally at the end and passed his test.
Owens placenta is looking very old and calcified but his cord flow was fine.
Edens placenta looked only slightly aged but her cord flow was mildly concerning. They measure the systolic to diastolic ratio and like to see it be less than three. The tech measured it three different times and got 3.1-3.7 but then came back at the end and was able to get two more readings of 2.8. She went to tell the OB (not mine) about it and after a minute she came back in and said that the doctor was ok with those numbers because she passed her bio, her growth is good and we did get a reading below 3 so the higher readings could have just been her position or activity level at the time.
I'm glad the doctor wasn't concerned but at the same time I'm freaking worried out of my mind and kind of wish someone with authority would be to. In a way I wish I could just be monitored continuously in the hospital until they're born. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose one or both of them because of lack of attention.
I've had thoughts cross my mind that it would be better to just deliver early and get them out here where we can have more control and for a second I thought about taking myself off bed rest and just allowing myself to go into labor. But I would feel horrible if something happened to them due to prematurity. My biggest concern at this gestation would be NEC (a life threatening intestinal infection) I just don't know what to think. My main motivation for staying on bed rest is for their cord flow and growth. I want to give them everything I have. My concern for preterm labor, although important is less of a factor in my mind. At this point if they're born early I will feel like it's because it was the best thing for them.
I feel so fortunate for every day that I wake up and still feel them moving. I feel like I'm just waiting for something horrible to happen and I keep wanting to control the situation in some way but the only thing I can really do is give the control to God and keep praying.
The other thing bed rest has done was amazingly allowed Owen to disengage his head from the birth canal. His head was no longer resting on my cervix which everyone thought was impossible because of how low he was but because I've been laying down and never standing, he was able to come back out. This is great because it means I probably am not anymore dilated and decreases my chance of preterm labor.
The bad side is that he is now breech again AND his sister decided to follow him and they are BOTH breech. Little turds. This is ok for now, but they better get their heads back down where they belong for delivery.

baby sprinkle and rest

Saturday was my baby sprinkle thrown by my younger sister Jannel. I was so excited to celebrate these lives. It really had nothing to do with getting gifts. The only thing I really needed was new cloth diapers and I got a TON so that's great, but what I really wanted was just to have family there to celebrate these miracles inside me. That morning I felt the babies moving and just thought to myself "we made it to the sprinkle". I was just so amazed and grateful that they were still alive at 29.3 weeks. When my sister and I decided on July 7 way back in like Feb or March I remember thinking "if we make it that far". And we did!  I'm so grateful to still be pregnant with TWO living babies!
Everything was done in blue and pink and was so picture perfect like a scene right out of pinterest!
I was so glad my doctor let me go. I sat the whole time and had people bring me my food, drink and gifts. It was great to get out of my house and my same old recliner I ALWAYS sit in. I decided to stay at my moms for several hours after the sprinkle was over just so I could talk to some people for awhile and have a change of scenery from my living room. It was really nice, but by the end of the night I was very uncomfortable and couldn't seem to get comfortable in any of their furniture so I was ready to get back to my recliner and was starting to get some contractions so I took a prn muscle relaxer as well.  Being up and moving even just a little bit kinda made me appreciate the bed rest status because I had kind of forgotten how much pain I was in trying to simply walk around. As bored as I get, I realize how wonderful the rest is and how much my body needs it. I'm very grateful to not be working right now. I need the time off WAY more right now than I will after the babies are born. I really only need about six weeks for full recovery after babies anyway and the rest of maternity leave is just fun time with my babies. I remember thinking after six weeks with Corynn that there really wasn't any reason I COULDN'T work, I just liked being home with my baby for a few more weeks.
Whereas right now I CAN'T work. Right now is when I really am "disabled" and NEED that short term disability check.
Another thing I noticed the day of the sprinkles was that the babies didn't move much. They moved enough to let me know everything was ok but they were small rare movements. They move WAY more when I'm home kicked back in my recliner. The day the perinatologist saw the problem with Eden's cord and placenta she said the best thing for it would be strict bed rest to keep my pressure down and allow them optimal flow and they can get all the energy they need because I'm not using it to move around and man,  I could really tell the difference on saturday! Sunday they were back to moving around like crazy.
I feel a greater need to be on strict bed rest for this reason than I do for the preterm labor. Not that I'm not worried about preterm labor, but I'm more worried about simply keeping them alive.

aging placentas

had an ultrasound and OB appointment today. Both placentas now appear to be aging/ calcifying, actually Owen's looks more aged than Eden's BUT both of their cord flows looked normal today!! That made me very happy. They both were doing a lot of practice breathing and moving.
Based on the way my placentas looked, my doctor is thinking that we will deliver them at 34 weeks. While I don't want them to have any NICU time, I know they will need a short stay if born at 34 weeks and I'm ok with that if it's what's safest and the alternative is death from non- functioning placentas! I think especially knowing ahead of time that that's what's going to happen, I can prepare myself for not having them in my room with me and giving up on that idea.
Good news is that both babies are now head down so hopefully they stay that way and I won't need a csection!!
My doctor checked me again and was blown away by how much pressure Owen was putting on my cervix and how far down his head was. She said "I'm pretty sure you're still 2cm, but I'm not gonna do a thorough check because he's so low, I'm afraid I'm going to stir something up". She emphasized that I need to stay off my feet and be on strict bed rest as much as possible but did give me permission for the baby sprinkle on saturday :-)

L&D 5

yesterday afternoon I lost a bunch of nasty bloody mucus plug so I called my OB just to let her know what was happening and she decided I should go back to L&D just to check my cervix and make sure I wasn't dilating more. I wasn't!! Still 2cm.

So they were just gonna watch me on the monitor for a bit and send me home. Thanks to the pericardia,  I only had a contraction about every 15-20 minutes! Just as they were going to release me I had a contraction that made Owens heart rate drop to 80, so they decided to keep me another hour to watch him. He didn't do it again but it still made me very nervous. The nurse was like "oh he probably just pinched his cord" and I'm thinking that is the worst thing she could say to me. People treat cord compression like it's no big thing,  and I guess maybe it's not most of the time but when you've lost a baby to a cord accident, ANY cord compression is a major deal!

I went home after a couple hours

Keflex and Glyburide

Keflex- after my last trip to L&D which was  thursday night June 14th, I had decided not to take the oral abx prescribed to me because I didn't really have any symptoms and the last "UTI" was actually negative anyway.
So Monday morning I called my OB office to see what the results of the urine culture were and they were in fact negative so I decided not to fill my script. But then Wednesday night June 20th I started getting horrible bladder spasms. It was the only symptom I had and knew it could've just been Owen kicking my bladder but decided to just fill my already written Keflex script after all instead of going back to L&D AGAIN. By the next day the spasms were better and it may or may not have been due to the Keflex, but I figure it can't hurt too much either way.

Glyburiede- Thursday June 21 I called my OB to report that my blood sugars had been really hard to control ever since I was placed on modified bed rest. I assumed it was because I wasn't getting any exercise at all. My OB wants my fasting blood sugars in the mornings to be 60-90 but mine were running about 100-110 which was making it difficult to control the rest of the days sugars as well.
I was already taking glyburide which makes your body secrete more insulin. I started out a few weeks ago taking 2.5mg at night, then increased to 5mg at night to control my fasting sugars.
Now she wanted to increase me to 7.5mg at night and 5mg in the morning. WOW. This seemed like a lot to me. I  was worried I would get too much insulin overnight and not wake up or something. I took the 5mg friday morning June 22nd and got so sick! By lunch time I was shaking and weak and felt really low blood sugar. I was at my sisters house so that she could help me with Corynn, and of course I forgot my glucose monitor at home so I don't know how low I got.
 I felt bad most of the day and did not feel the babies moving hardly at all so I called my OB and went in for an NST and the babies started moving and acting totally fine. She thinks it was just that my sugar got too low, so she said to try and take the same dose again the next day while I actually have my glucose machine so I can check and actually see what my blood sugar is and that if it gets low to call the on call doc and that maybe I should decrease my morning dose if it happens again.
I took the 5mg the next day and this time felt fine. Sugars were great and had no symptoms of hypoglycemia and then it dawned on me.... I had drank caffeine friday morning. I really wanted a frapuccino which has 34grams of carbs so I knew I couldn't have much carbs with breakfast if I also wanted to indulge in that treat (I'm allowed 45g in a meal). I had 13g of carbs from a whole wheat waffle with PB on it and an hour later went to get my frap and drank 2/3 of it. Well, I think the lack of food mixed with the caffeine is actually what the problem was, so I decided I better skip caffeine while I'm taking the glyburide or at least make sure I also have plenty of food to go with it.
After hesitating for a few days, I took the 7.5mg at night for the first time on sunday night June 24th but had a snack by my bed and my glucose monitor ready just in case and I had emergency orange juice in the fridge. I set my alarm for 1am just to check and make sure I was alive and sure enough, my sugar was just fine and my fasting the next morning was a beautiful 76! So, this new dosing is actually working out pretty good for now. Hopefully it stays that way. Seems like having two placentas has made GD a little more difficult to manage than in my pregnancy with Corynn. With Corynn I never went above 2.5mg at night of glyburide and I didn't have to be quite as strict with counting my carbs. I could go over by 10g or so and still be fine, but not this time!

L&D 4: early labor, Edens cord flow

On Monday night June 25th around 8pm I noticed that my braxton hicks felt pretty crampy and were coming pretty regularly about every 6 minutes. I had already been to L&D a couple times for the same situation and it never turned into much, so I thought I'd just try to drink more water and get some sleep and just see if they would go away on their own.
They woke me up occasionally throughout monday night. I wouldn't call them painful, just uncomfortable. By Tuesday morning they were still every 4-6 minutes so at 7am I called my OB who told me to go to L&D.
I arrived at about 8:30 and told my nurse that I was pretty sure these were just BH contractions and that it was probably nothing, but thought I'd better check. I really thought I'd be there a couple hours and then go home.
Contractions showed up every 4-6 minutes on the monitor so they gave me vistaril (muscle relaxer) and wanted to just watch me for a couple hours. The nurse checked my cervix and I was dilated to 1cm and she could feel the amniotic sac of baby A (Owen). At first the contractions slowed down with the vistaril and just as they were talking about sending me home, they picked back up to about every 2-5 minutes so the OB wanted to check my cervix again. I was 2cm.
With the cervical change, people started to get worried.
I was told I wouldn't be going home for a few days. They started me on a magnesium drip, did a gbs test, started IV antibiotics and steroid shots to prepare for an early delivery (28 weeks).
The goal was to keep me on magnesium until I could get a full 48 hours of steroids in my system for the babies lungs. For the first 12 hours of magnesium I was not allowed to eat or drink or get out of the bed. Apparently it is a central nervous system depressant and it often makes you lethargic, weak and have flu like symptoms and can decrease your gag reflex and cause choking and aspiration, so they wait to see what your alertness level is going to be before you can eat. I was SO HUNGRY. This is also why you can't get up. Not even to use the bathroom. I became familiar with bedpans and sponge baths for the first time and I have to say I'm not a fan.
The magnesium can also cause fluid retention, particularly in the lungs, so I was fluid restricted as well.
I actually had very minimal side effects compared to most on the magnesium. I got a little hot and flushed and at some points it became difficult to breath and felt like my chest was tight. I was a little sleepy but not totally out of it. I was determined to show the nurses how alert I was so by midnight they finally let me eat!
The mag wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. The worst part was not being able to get out of bed.
WHile on magnesium, I really had MAYBE one contraction an hour. It worked like a charm! The steroids raised my blood sugar one time to 224, but it didn't last long so I never needed insulin.
On Wednesday they let me get out of the bed to sit in a chair and use a bedside commode instead of the bedpan. It's amazing how excited you can get about something like that! Those hospital beds KILL my back (not to mention peeing in your own bed).
On Wednesday I had a lot of spotting and think I began to lose my mucus plug. That night around 7pm, they decided to try to wean my magnesium from 2g/ hr to 1.5g/hr to slowly get my body adjusted to turning it off by noon on Thursday as planned. The contractions slowly started back up. First it was one every 20 minutes, then 10-15 and by the time they were every 6 minutes around 1am, they turned my magnesium back up to 2g/hr because it was most important that I got the full 48 hour effect of steroids before going into labor. I also got another vistaril at this time to slow things down. This worked and contractions went away.
At 9am on Thursday they turned the magnesium down again to 1g/hr but at the same time started me on an oral calcium channel clocker "procardia" which can be used to prevent muscle contractions just like the magnesium but without the side effects. It's less affective, but is good enough and I can go home on it.
It worked and I did not have any contractions during the weaning of magnesium or turning it off at noon.......... until 7pm. At this point they had allowed me to get up and use the restroom and take a shower. The contractions started to show up slowly again and progressively got closer and by 4am friday morning my nurse gave me an extra dose of vistaril which slowed them a little but not a lot and at 6am the OB ordered a fluid bolus and a cervix check.
On Tuesday my cervix was 2cm but had been very posterior and hard to reach (which was good). On Friday morning I was still two cm but no longer posterior at all. The nurse said that his head was very very low and engaged. She said she had to back off a bit because she was afraid she would break my water accidentally. She said she could feel his head squirming around and would be very surprised if they let me go home like that.
Well, surprise, an hour later the on call OB came in and said that since I live 10min from the hospital, that I could go home on the medications but with STRICT bed rest. I can not drive or walk around the house. I can not get on the floor to play with Corynn or go outside etc... I am only allowed to use the bathroom and take one quick shower a day and I have to go back to the hospital if I have more than 6 contractions in an hour. She seemed a little hesitant to send me but I think they were very busy with deliveries and needed the bed to be honest.
So now I'm home and doing my best not to move, taking meds every 6 hours and trying to keep these babies in as long as possible.
So that's the labor side of things.

Now for the health of the babies.
On Wednesday, the perinatologist came into my room to scan for the babies sizes and positions. First they looked at Owen and this is when we realized that he had flipped (which I had suspected about a week ago) and his head was now in my cervix, low and engaged in the birth canal. They said that the chances of him coming back out of that position are low because of how far he was and that his head was likely the cause of all this preterm labor this week. Otherwise he was perfect and healthy and measuring in the 44th percentile at 2lb 8oz which was up 10 oz from his scan two weeks ago!
So then they moved on to Eden who was still in a breech position. The tech seemed more quiet while doing her scan and I noticed while she was looking at her cord blood flow, she was staring at the same thing for quite a while but not saying anything. I got that bad feeling that something was wrong. The tech left and came back with the perinatologist who did the scan again. The peri told me that there was an issue with the blood flow in baby B's cord. I immediately started bawling so hard that I couldn't talk or breathe. I was so worried we were going to have another cord accident and this was the last thing I wanted to hear.

 Once I could collect myself to hear exactly what was wrong, the peri told me that her placenta was aging too fast and causing a reduced diastolic flow in her cord. Basically as I understand it, it is normal for the placenta to age at the same rate that the baby ages. As the placenta gets older it becomes tougher which makes blood flow tougher but normally the baby is just as strong as the placenta and can handle the changes. Eden's placenta seems to be about six weeks ahead of her age and is considered a grade 2 placenta with 1 being the best and 4 being the worst. The flow in the cord is measured by what is coming from the placenta to the baby (systolic) and what's coming back from the baby and out to the placenta (diastolic). Since her placenta is older than she is, her heart is having to work extra hard to pump blood back out against this resistant placenta. This is burning her energy quickly and causing slower growth than her brother. She measured in at 2lb 5oz which put her in the 40th percentile. This isn't too different from Owen except for the fact that at our last scan two weeks ago she had been slightly bigger than him and she has only gained 5oz in that time compared to his 10oz. The plan is to scan weekly to evaluate the placenta, the cord flow and her growth. If at any time the diastolic flow becomes absent or reversed or her growth has dropped off, we would deliver the babies early. The peri said the best thing for this is simply bed rest. She said that me relaxing as much as possible and keeping my blood pressure down will make her resistance less and easier for her to pump blood. She actually recommended that I go to a pool daily and rest my upper body on a floatation device while letting my body dangle in the pool to take all pressure off and reduce resistance. But the OB told me not to leave the house, so I need to clarify which of these is more important.
At this point I think I am more concerned about Eden's cord than i am about preterm labor.
Keep praying for healthy and as close to possible full term  babies!

L&D take three

So on Thursday at 26 weeks, I started having some low down cramping that was a mix between menstrual cramps and bladder spasms. With the UTI I had supposedly just had a few weeks earlier, I called my OB office and asked if I could come in to test my urine just to make sure I didn't have a UTI and we could catch it early.
Instead of letting me do this, they decided to send me straight over to L&D because of my short cervix. I guess I understand but I was slightly frustrated because their office was still open and right next door and the hospital is way more expensive. Better safe than sorry I guess.
I had contractions showing up on the monitor every 5 minutes or so but they weren't painful, just my usual crampy tight BH. My cervix was closed thank GOD!
But they didn't like the way the monitor looked for 26 weeks, so they kept me for a few hours. My initial urine dip came up with only trace leukocytes (white blood cells that show infection). My nurse wasn't even gonna send it to the lab because she said trace is pretty much the same as a negative. But then she decided to send it last minute just to cover her bases.
The lab simply has a positive or negative result so of course it was positive.
The on call OB came in and said that although it was positive, she read my last lab report and the UTI they told me I had and gave me abx for ended up being a contaminate so I never even had a UTI at all but no one ever bothered to tell me. No wonder I didn't have any symptoms.
The OB decided to give me fluids, a muscle relaxer and IV abx "just in case" to stop my contractions. What did the trick was the muscle relaxer. As soon as I got a little sleepy, they slowed down quite a bit. She gave me a script for oral abx as well but I'm waiting to fill it until my culture comes back. I have no other UTI symptoms other than an irritable uterus and since the dip was only trace and my last one was a contaminate, I don't want to pump myself full of abx I don't need.

modified bedrest

Last weekend at about 25 and a half weeks, I started having a lot of pressure in my butt and "down there" when I would stand up as well as an increase in mucus (sorry TMI). I went to work Monday and was so so uncomfortable with the pressure and the right side of my pubic bone felt like it was being stabbed.
When I got of work at 3:30 I called my OB to see if I could get in to check my cervix that week. I wasn't scheduled until the following week but felt I should maybe just see what the pressure was about.
She decided to bump up my appt for that Tuesday.
I went in and they did an abdominal US first and my cervix appeared short, so she sent me to empty my bladder so she could do a transvaginal US and get a really accurate view. And it was in fact short. They like it above 2.5 up until 32 weeks. After 32 weeks it's ok if it shortens. Up until this appt, I had been VERY long measuring from 4-6cm and my doctor had joked that my cervix was never going to soften and she was going to have to force these babies out.
Well last week, it had gone down to 2.4
My OB called the perinatologist to get his input and this is what was decided:
I have a 40% chance of going into labor before 35 weeks
I can no longer work
I have to be on modified bed rest. I can still move around a bit, shower and go places as long as it's not more than 30 min in the car and it's to a restaurant or house where I can immediately find a place to sit and stay there. No cooking, cleaning, shopping, lifting etc..
They did another Fetal fibronectin to see if labor was coming soon. It was negative!
Steroids were discussed. She decided that with the negative FFN, that she did not want to give me a shot at 26 weeks. She said that the effectiveness is not as good and doesn't last as long than if it's given after 28 weeks. So, she plans to give me a dose at 28 weeks. She said that the steroids can make blood sugar very hard to control so with GD, she wants to avoid excessive doses unless necessary.
STAY PUT BABIES!!
My first goal is 32 weeks and after that every week is icing on the cake.
My next goal is 35 weeks
and my BEST goal is 37 weeks. I would prefer they have no NICU time and are never taken from my room!!

general baby update

The babies look fantastic!! At our last ultrasound at 26 weeks, Owen weighed 1lb 14 oz and Eden was right at 2lb! They were both already doing practice breathing and passed their biophysicals with flying colors! Fluid levels are around 7ish for both of them. I think they said 5-20 is normal. We got a great 3D look at Owens face and I think he looks like me/my side of the family. Eden was not in a good position to get a look at her face :-(
Unfortunately they are both transverse. Both heads are at my belly button with Owen on my left and Eden on my right. His body curves down and goes across my lower abdomen with his feet on my lower right hip. Eden's body curves up and goes across my upper abdomen with feet closer to my left rib. They are positioned like yin and yang in there. It would be nice if they would flip head down but space is limited and I'm preparing myself for the idea of a Csection.

L&D take two

I think it will be fun to keep  track of how many trips to L&D I make this pregnancy. With Corynn it was a total of five between 35-39 weeks, so I'm already way ahead of the game this time ;-)
With my level of paranoia about preterm labor with twins, I'm sure I'll be in for a few more checks before the actual delivery day. I'm guessing I'm all the gossip at the nurses station "oh there's that crazy NICU nurse again, wasn't she just here last week?" Ha. I just hear so many of our preemie moms say that they didn't even know they were in labor. They all say they just had mild cramping or back pain and by the time they got to the hospital to get checked, it was too late and the baby was coming. So, I figure, if I have those symptoms and I go in right away, maybe they could get the labor stopped before I'm dilated to the point of no return.
This time it was a real reason though. Last Tuesday May 29 at 23 weeks and 6 days I started to have cramping and back pain around 4:30pm. It was pretty uncomfortable. It felt like dull period cramps but they didn't come and go like contractions, it was just constant. So I sat in the recliner and drank more water. I was guessing I was just overdoing it caring for Corynn all day and she had been particularly needy!
At about 5:30 they turned into more rhythmic BH that were uncomfortable enough that it would annoy me if Erik tried to talk to me during one.
I started timing them and they were every 5 minutes. Erik was urging me to call the OB but around 6:30 I decided I was just exhausted and if I could just take a quick nap, I'd be ok. At 7:30 I woke up and they seemed to have gone away. So I got up to eat dinner and the general cramping kinda came back but not timeable contractions.
We went to Target to grab a couple quick things we needed around the house which proved to be a bad decision. While walking through Target, the BH's were so strong that I felt like I was gonna poop my pants with each one although I knew that's not what it was (sorry TMI). I would have to stop and walk very slowly and tense up my face. We quickly went back to the car and I called my mom to get her opinion. She said to call the on call OB. Once we got home around 9:30 I called and she did not hesitate to tell me to go to L&D.
Corynn was in the bath and my mom was still at work on call so she couldn't come get me. So we loaded Corynn up in her PJ's in the car and headed for Shawnee Mission. I got there a little after 10pm. I left the usual urine sample and they hooked me and my babies up to the monitor. Their heart rates were great and they were very active.
Sure enough, contractions were showing up on the monitor every 3-4 minutes. They determined from my urine dip that I was NOT dehydrated. They said I must be drinking plenty of water bc my urine was very diluted. Good for me :-)
So they didn't even bother to start IV fluids on me. But they did say that my urine showed some leukocytes (white blood cells that are an indicator of infection) so they sent my urine to the lab to look for a UTI.
At almost midnight the nurse said it would be at least a couple more hours of monitoring so I sent Erik and Corynn home (she was having a major tired meltdown) and my mom was getting off work so she came up to the hospital to be with me and drive me home when wee were done.
They checked my cervix which was high thick and closed which made me feel soooo much better. They also sent a fetal fibronectin test to the lab which is a protein that would be secreted if I were about to go into labor any time in the next two weeks. This test was also negative!!! Good news.
My urine came back positive for a UTI so they determined this was the cause of my contractions. It's weird bc I had no other UTI symptoms. So, they watched me for a bit and the contractions remained about 3-5min apart but did not progress or become more uncomfortable so they sent me home with antibiotics around 3am.
Since I've been on the abx, the BH have slowed way down. Glad I went in after all!

Why am I crying?

So the other day, I'm looking at FB and see pictures of a friends baby shower who is also having twins in September and my first reaction is that I start to tear up??!!
I felt jealous. I got the feeling that she gets to be happy bc her twins are going to live but mine are going to die. WTH?
Then it turns into a full blown cry. I was a sobbing hormonal mess.
It was such a strange feeling. Like I have this feeling of doom for my babies. I just can't fully let go and be  excited.
I think what was really getting to me was that she gets to be blissfully happy about her pregnancy and just expect that her babies are going to make it, while I have this cloud of worry over my head that keeps me from getting fully excited.
Every time I try to plan or get things ready, I have a knot in my stomach the whole time.
I want to just be excited and happy like I was with Corynn.
September can't get here fast enough.

sugar drama

So I just realized I never update the plan on my GD. I did go ahead and start the diet but I'm following it "loosely". For the most part I stick to it but if I have a time where I'm just so hungry that I'm shaky and there's not a lot of protein readily available, I don't count my carbs. I just eat whatever I need. No, this is not ice cream and cookies. But it may be a larger portion of pasta or a bigger sandwich or more fruit than they would like me to have or I might eat again before that two hour time frame that I'm supposed to wait. Sometimes I'm starving by 1 1/2 hours because the portions I'm allowed are so small. I have only had a few higher than 120 sugars, so I'm doing pretty well.
I think it is more dangerous at this point for me to spill ketones from being too hungry.
Once I get closer to 30 weeks, I will start following the diet strictly because I do not want these babies to get so big that I go into preterm labor or they can't fit for a vaginal birth or they have trouble eating or breathing. And having high sugars can lead to high BP which can lead to an early delivery. I don't want that either, so I'm trying to carefully balance keeping my sugars in check without getting too hungry and trying not to lose weight like I have in the past. So far I've gained 12 lbs.
Right now they are measuring right on their due date. They are not big at all and they have not begun to put on fat yet so I am not overly concerned with them getting big, I'm concerned with them getting the nutrition they need at this point.
My fasting sugars were consistently high in the 90's even though I would eat my protein before bed, so I started taking glyburide which has helped with those. Fastings are always my biggest problem and my OB said that has nothing to do with my eating habits. She said there's not much more you can do to control fastings other than take meds. She said it's just my genetic insulin resistance.

nervous about getting excitied

Early last week, my mom came over and brought stuff to put in the surprise nursery and was unpacking clothes and packages and we went to the store to buy some blue hangers for Owen's stuff and some pink and blue storage baskets for the closet and I had trouble enjoying it. It was fun to finally do something to prepare for the babies, but it also freaked me out. I'm afraid to do too much preparing because I still feel like I might lose them. I have no guarantee that I will bring them home in September. Cord accidents can happen up to the very last second.
I know I need to prepare, but it kinda gives me anxiety. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I will be devastated no matter how much preparing I've done. I know what can happen. I know that possibility is there and NOT preparing is not going to make it any easier. In fact, I wonder if I will regret not enjoying the pregnancy and all this time I DID have with them?
I brought all of the girl clothes up from the basement and started organizing them by size and season and I plan on setting up the bassinets in our room in the next few weeks and we made the sprinkle invitations and are about to order them. And I decided that I do want to see the completed nursery before the babies are here because the original plan was for my mom to take everything down if the babies died so that I would never have to look at it and never would have know what it looked like. I was thinking this would help it be less of a "blow" but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that I think I would be kinda depressed about it and regret it if I never saw their room. Never saw the effort and love that went into it.  It's one of those things that may hurt more in the moment to see an empty nursery but in the long run would be better. I've learned that you can't hide from grief. It hurts and you have to just face it head on with full force or it will just drag on forever.
I can't just pretend these babies aren't coming. I need to get things ready, and just pray and hope that they will be ok.

pain improving

Surprisingly, my pelvic pain is actually getting better, not worse. I'm not sure if the babies have just grown and shifted into a better position, if it's the chiropractor, sleeping in the recliner or working less hours at work or maybe the combination of everything. But I am feeling quite a bit better. I still have plenty of aches and pains, but nothing like it was between 18-20 weeks. I was in so much pain I wanted to cry. It literally felt like broken bones. Now it just feels like sore muscles like it did with Corynn. Before I was functioning at about 30% with a  pain score of 7 and now I'm functioning at about 60% with a pain score of 4. SOOOO much better.
I do notice that if I think I'm having a great day as far as pain goes, and I try to do too much, I will start to have bad pain again. So, I just try to relax as much as I can.

genetic screening

my second trimester screening results for my "risk" for Downs syndrome were great!
I got a 1 in 9500 chance of one of the babies having Downs and the very best you can do is 1 in 10.000 so this made me very happy! In my first trimester screening it was 1 in 8500, so we've improved I guess! Both numbers are great anyway.
The spina bifida results made me worry just a bit. I got a 1 in 1600 chance of one of them having SB. The geneticist said the very best is 1 in 6000. I told her I thought my number was a bit low/ my risk a bit high but she said this is actually a really good number for SB and that they don't even start to get concerned until your risk gets to 1 in 200. She said the numbers just work differently and that my level 2 US more than likely would have seen something if they had it and everything looked perfect on my US AND it was reviewed by the peri which is reassuring.
This did make me feel better but I still have that tiny hint of worry in the back of my mind, although it's very tiny.
Trisomy 18 risk can't be tested for in twin pregnancies. Something about the way the numbers work?
But we probably would have seen a defect of some sort if one of them had this.

nevermind, I FAILED

So after my moment of joy, another nurse called me a few days after I was told I passed my glucose test to tell me that I had actually FAILED. She said that while the cutoff is normally 140, Dr Grounds actually wanted me to be below 130. What?! ugh.
Because I have a history and it was borderline, she had me take the horrible three hour test. BOOOO
It actually wasn't AS bad this time. With Corynn it was at labcorp office and all the had was room temperature lemon lime flavor and it was really the nastiest thing I've ever put in my mouth!
This time it was at my OB office and they had cold fruit punch flavor AND I took a straw to drink it out of and it was a smaller volume that was just more concentrated which is better I think!
I still felt super nauseous and could tell that my glucose was high because I felt horrible. Headache, tight jaw, warm tingly face, light headed.
And sure enough, I failed.
They draw 4 samples: a fasting, 1 hour, 2 hour and 3 hour post drinking the glucola. You can fail one number but if you fail two, you are considered diabetic.
I really didn't fail by much though compared to my test with Corynn. I was borderline this time.
Fasting was 85 and needs to be below 99 = PASS
1 hour was 159 and needs to be below 170 = PASS
2 hour was 173 and needs to be below 150 = FAIL
3 hour was 143 and needs to be below 140 = BARELY FAIL
So, I have to start the diet, but I have some reservations. Twins have more trouble gaining weight because they are sharing everything I eat with their sibling. I always lose weight and have trouble getting enough calories on this diet. I already wonder if doing the diet early messed up Brynns cord because whartons jelly is made mostly of sugar and she had none.
Twins can also be born early and and everything I've read says that because twins don't always get the full third trimester to gain weight, that it's important to eat as much as possible in the first two so they can gain and have a better chance if they arrive early.
The diet is normally not even tested for or started until 28 weeks which is when they would normally start to pack on fat. Right now they are scrawny little things and I don't really think them getting big is a real concern at 21 weeks.
I just don't want to deprive them.
So, I'm meeting with the nutritionist today and want to tell her my concerns and see what she thinks. I just know that I'm starving all the time and the low carb diet is difficult to find snacks that I can eat whenever I want that won't make me gag after I've eaten 20 of them (nuts, eggs, meat etc.)

Nursery surprise

my parents came over this weekend and began to paint the nursery. They installed a new handle with a lock on the door and they have the key so I can't get in to peak. I can't wait to see the finished product when we bring the babies home!

increased worry

Now that I can feel them move,  I love that it reassures me that they're ok, but at the same time I feel like I'm worrying a lot more. If I don't feel them move for several hours, I start to worry something is wrong. When I listen with the doppler, I still hear lots of movements that I still can't feel so I think I'm still only able to feel the big movements so it's not consistent yet.
I just can't wait for them to be here alive and healthy so I can stop worrying.
When I was pregnant with Brynn I was ok with the pregnancy going slow bc I needed more time for Corynn to become more independent. I was so nervous about having a baby and a toddler together and constantly wondered how I would handle it all.
It's funny because now that I'm having twins, people are always saying "oh man how are you going to do it?" And I do know it will be INSANE but the thought just doesn't get to me. I just don't care. The house will be trashed, someone will always be crying, I will be exhausted BUT I will have LIVING children. It doesn't matter. All the hard stages will eventually pass and it will all just work out somehow. I just need them to get here alive and healthy.
 It's amazing what losing a baby will do to your outlook.

chiropractor

So despite my skepticism and nerves, I took everyone's advice and went to see a chiro that my OB preferred and recommended for prenatal adjustment. I was a little nervous she would snap my neck like you see in movies, but it was nothing like that. She was very gentle and careful of my precious belly. It actually felt really nice to have her adjust my neck and back! After the first adjustment my sciatic pain was GONE!!! I have been able to lay back to sleep ever since. THANK GOD!
But the horrible pelvic/pubic/ groin pain I have when I walk just won't end. I had two more visits with her to try and help this but no such luck. At the last adjustment, she had her husband and coworker come do my lower back because he's stronger and he was able to get more movement of the bones than her which is what we needed but after that I cramped on and off all day and I got totally paranoid about it so I decided I'm not going to go back unless the sciatic pain comes back. I can live with the pelvic pain. It's very agonizing but I just try to rest and wear my support belt as much as possible. The fact that I can sleep again is what's most important.
I did get a pretty sweet ice pack from their office that I use to ice my groin area whenever I get a chance bc she said this will help with inflammation.
Overall, it was def worth it.

iron

When they drew my glucose level last week, my hemoglobin was also checked and came back low at 10 and they like to see it above 12.5. This explains why I've been a little short of breath and I did notice my hair was starting to fall out. I was started on an extra iron supplement for this. Need to make sure these babies have plenty of red blood cells to carry oxygen to them!

I PASSED

I passed my glucose test last week! I was in complete shock. As soon as my doc told me I had glucose in my urine, I got myself ready to start the diet. I made a grocery list of high protein, low carb meals and snacks and was ready to go. I didn't even think it was possible for me to pass.
With Corynn I didn't take the test until the usual 28 weeks and failed at a whopping 178. With Brynn, I decided to take the test early to be safe at 11 weeks and I failed with a 184!!
I opted not to take it so early this time because I worried that the low sugar diet may have contributed to Brynn having very little whartons jelly and may have contributed to her cord accident. I decided it's not necessary so early on because we're not worried about excessive weight gain in the baby until later.
So when I took my test last week at 19 weeks with TWO placentas helping to contribute to the insulin resistance,  I just knew it would be bad.
But after drinking the glucola, I didn't feel horrible like I have in the past when I failed so I did wonder if maybe my number wouldn't be so bad.
I got the call the next day that my sugar was 138 and they like to see anything below 139, so technically I PASSED!!!!! My jaw hit the floor! I will probably have to repeat the test every four weeks until I fail but until then, I'm gonna enjoy not counting my carbs, eating whenever I want and NOT poking my finger four times a day :-)

Wigglers!

I can REALLY feel them move now! Just last week the flutters started to be more noticeable but as of early this morning I can feel large drastic movements, especially if I'm laying still and quiet. There is NO better feeling

sugar issues

yesterday at my appointment I had glucose spilling into my urine. My OB had planned for me to take the glucose test at 23 weeks but decided I should do it now. I took my test today but I actually think there's a possibility I might pass. Normally when I drink the glucola I feel soooo sick and weird for a few hours after but today I felt pretty normal which makes me think maybe my sugar didn't get too high. I should know tomorrow.

Healthy babies and cervix

I had my level two anatomy scan on Monday. I was a little bit nervous for it because if something were to be wrong, this would be the day we'd find out. I was very focused on every detail. The level two is so much more involved. I really don't know why everyone doesn't get one because it can find a lot more defects than a traditional anatomy US. The tech was very good and explained every thing she was looking at. The look at the lenses of the eyes and look up the nose and the aortic arch and EVERYTHING. She did Owen first and everything looked great, and then the nerves had to start all over again for Eden, but praise the lord, she also looked perfect.
They both had great fluid levels and weighed around 9oz with Eden being slightly smaller in grams weight which is PERFECT. We want them to both be gaining at about the same speed but it's required for baby B to be just a little smaller if I want to deliver vaginally.
Owen is down low and Eden is up high in my stomach which would explain the weird waves of mild nausea I've been having. Owen has an anterior placenta but Edens is posterior which does make me worry a bit more about cord accidents. But both cords were three vessel and coiled and had great blood flow.
Also my cervix was actually longer than my last measurement. At 15 weeks it was 3.3 but according to the perinatologist my OB's office didn't measure it the most accurate way possible. They had done and abdominal US with a full bladder which they said can throw off the angle and shorten the cervix. The peri did an internal US with an empty bladder and it was 6.2 and when they pushed on my funds, it did funnel in a bit and brought it down to 5.4 but is still long enough that it's not a concern unless I were to have a lot of contractions that would cause funneling.
I'm just so very happy and feel so so fortunate to have two healthy babies growing in there.

from bad to worse (first L&D trip)

OH THE PAIN! So after I wrote the post on friday about my sciatic pain, it came back again friday night and I could NOT lay down. So, I once again could not sleep. Around midnight I dozed off sitting up and at 1am I woke with a startle. Something scared the crap out of me. THen I felt like I had to go to the bathroom really bad ( not pee ) so I hopped up and nothing happened. I laid back down and had a lot of really tight braxton hicks and kept getting lower back pain and pressure and the urge to go to the bathroom again plus I would get waves of nausea and I was shaking uncontrollably. After about 10 minutes of this I decided this wasn't normal and decided to go to L&D to make sure it wasn't early preterm labor. I called my mom who came to get me so Erik could stay home with Corynn. Once I got there the nurses were sure it was a UTI, but nope, that was negative. The monitor did not show any contractions, but I remember that when I had Brynn at 16 weeks, the monitors could never pick up a single contraction the whole time I was in labor with her. They're just not as strong at this early gestation, so they're hard to detect. My cervix was not checked because if there are no contractions and you're early, they don't like to irritate things further. After about an hour they gave me a muscle relaxer and everything relaxed so they sent me home. The thought is just that a lack of sleep and pain were the cause. I got home around 3am and finally fell asleep.
All day saturday I didn't move. I sat on the couch and Erik did everything. We were both hoping that if I didn't overdo it during the day, then my sciatic pain would not come back at night. Wrong. About 8pm, it started to flare up again. His mom brought us a recliner to borrow so that I could try sleeping in that. It did help. I have to sit up straight in it with just the legs kicked out. I can't lay the head back at all so I have to have a rolled up towel around my neck to keep my head from bobbing. It was restless sleep, but at least it was sleep. At  3am the pain was once again gone so I was able to actually lay back. It's like 8pm-3am every night. I don't know why. So even though sleep was not great, I decided to go in to work on Sunday. BAD IDEA. I had one of the busiest craziest days I've had in a long time. I did not sit down and did not leave until 8:30. I was in so much pain I thought I was going to die. I almost cried a few times. Some of my coworkers were sympathetic and helpful but others kind of had the attitude that since they never had pain while pregnant, well then, I must be complaining just to complain. I didn't get the vibe that everyone totally understood. To most it just sounds whiny when I say I'm only 19 weeks and can hardly walk.
Sunday night the sciatic pain was bad because of work but because I was so exhausted I did sleep fairly well in my chair. Monday night was the same thing again. I'm thinking this is just going to be the new routine... horrible pubic and pelvic pain during the day esp when walking and bad sciatic pain at night that prevents me from laying down. But miraculously last night I didn't have the sciatic pain. YAY! Lets hope this keeps happening.
After all of my weekend events, my OB wrote an order yesterday for me to work less. I can only work two 8 hr shifts each week. Because the pain leads to no sleep which then leads to contractions, she did not want me on my feet so much at work which is fine by me! She said that if I was pregnant with one, she wouldn't be as concerned, but with twins we have to be careful. At this point I don't even care if I use all my time and have no maternity leave. I need it more right now. The important thing is getting them to term!
I'm going to see a chiropractor this week and really hope that helps!

bad pain

My aches and pains have increased drastically this week (18 wks). I feel like I'm closer to about 28-30 weeks. My belly is huge and everything hurts!! Bad! I feel like such a whiner and feel like I get weird looks from people when I tell them how much pain I'm in because I'm still so early. Most of the time it's my pubic area that hurts. It feels like pinched nerves that radiates pain to my groin and inner thigh muscles. It is so bad that it hurts to move my legs at all and one of the most painful movements is trying to use one foot to push on the heel of the other foot to take my shoe off. Getting up and down off the floor is also horrible in this department. It's almost like a charlie horse in my crotch.
If I walk or stand for more than about 20 minutes at a time this pain gets so intense that I start to waddle and have to make very small slow movements to avoid severe pain.
The other day at work I had to stand and walk most of my 12 hour shift and my whole pelvis just ached so bad. My lower back, my hips, my groin. Oh I was hurting so bad by the end of the shift!
And then there's my sciatics. Last night my right sciatic hurt so bad that I could NOT lay down. I tried every position and had pillows propped in every way imaginable but nothing worked. It would zing and make my whole leg jump. There was no sleeping because I had to sit up to make the pain go away. At 1 am I called in sick to work because I still had not fallen asleep and didn't know if I would ever be able to. By 3am I finally fell asleep sitting up with 8 pillows propped behind my back and head. By 5am the uncomfortable position woke me again and the sciatic pain had finally gone away and I was able to lay down flat for a couple hours before Corynn woke up. I'm exhausted today.
My boss called and recommended that I apply for intermittent FMLA to protect my job so that if I have to call in anymore due to the pregnancy, it will not count against me. It was very nice of her to tell me this bc I didn't even know this was an option.
I really don't think I'll be able to work all the way to the end because this pain is just horrible and all I want to do is lay in a reclined position on the couch. I think I may need to invest in a recliner. I wonder if I can rent one during the pregnancy?
I'm so lucky in the first trimester, I never get sickness or fatigue. But man, once the babies start growing in my pelvis, my body just falls apart. I really feel for old people whose joints and muscles just hurt all the time.

kicks

I'm pretty sure I've been able to feel little kicks the last few days. They are small and almost always felt down very low where there's no fat and muscle in the way, but they are definitely there! I love it and I can't wait until I can feel every move they make. Right now it's just a few times a day. So far, Eden is the more active of the two but that could be because Owen has an anterior placenta and it's harder for me to feel him. I can't wait to meet them in September.

Owen and Eden

So last weekend we officially decided on Eden, well I guess you could say I officially decided and Erik said ok. He's said all along that I should use the name I like because I will be the one to regret it later if I don't but that he really doesn't care that much. He has said that if I ask his opinion, he likes April better but that he honestly hardly ever thinks about it and it's just not a big deal to him. The last action sequence he read in his dragon book is on his mind more often than the names of the babies. But I was kinda just waiting for him to eventually like the name better than April before I decided for sure.
On Sunday his mom finally gave her opinion and said that she liked Eden better because April holds meaning related to losing Brynn and she thought it might be a bit much to put on her that she's named after her dead sister that she never met and wasn't around for and that it fits better as a middle name. Using Eden for a first name would give her more of her own identity completely separate from Brynn. I agreed (mainly because it was in favor of my name ;-) ). I told Erik what his mom had said and I he just said "yeah"... "you can use Eden if you want, I've told you I'm fine with it" so I decided I'm going to. YAY! Now I've been calling them by name and it's so fun and cute.
I want to add that the name April is not directly being named "after" Brynn. It holds meaning for me... when I found out I was pregnant with Brynn and due in April I said "oh an April baby! Perfect. " I'd always thought it was such a beautiful time of year to have a baby and I was excited to have one. Well, I never got my April baby, but I like to think that God is returning her to me with Eden, so I will finally be getting my "April baby" AND April means "opening buds of spring" or "new life". To me it's like a new fresh beginning. It has a lot more meaning than just the month Brynn was due.

Actually, I take that back

I still love Eden. Despite all the reasons I came up with to convince myself to choose April, I really like Eden.

Now, I just need Erik to agree.

I'm just not going to give her an official name yet. I think if I let it simmer for awhile, maybe Erik will start to like the name?

He said he doesn't like names that he's never heard used before. He has to have heard it used for a person at least once and it can't be someone he had a bad association with. He has never heard anyone use Eden as a name so to him it's weird and seems made up.

I told him I've heard it and think it goes great with our other names.

He said he doesn't hate it, but prefers April. He said I can use it if I want, but I don't want to use it unless I feel like he likes it too.

Maybe if he just starts to get used to the idea of it being a name he'll realize how much he loves it ;-)

So, girl name to be announced.

The names are decided

Thanks for everyones input on the April vs Eden debate. After a lot of discussion with my Erik and opinions and votes from friends and family as well we have decided on

April Eden

to go with

Owen Derik

While I still LOVE the name Eden and prefer matchy matchy myself, there were some winning arguments that made me stick with April.

one person said Eden sounds like a naughty name and my husband agreed that it's "weird like a stripper" name. I disagree but don't want her dad thinking she has a stripper name.

Also we looked up trends for every year as far back as both names go. April has been around FOREVER and is falling in popularity but Eden has only been on record since 1986 and is rising quickly in popularity. My fear is that it will suddenly have a drastic increase and become a fad like Ava or Aiden. It's too unpredictable and April is a safe classic bet.

And the winning argument is that it sounds too much like Aiden and when I introduce my twins as Owen and Eden, people will think I said Aiden and think they are two boys and Aiden is so heavily used thatI don't like that it's so similar.

So, I will leave Eden as a middle name since I still think it's so pretty and love the meaning.

April Eden it is!!

Girl name debate

Owen Derik is for sure our boy name and April Eden was going to be the girl name but after a suggestion, I'm now thinking of doing Eden April instead.

If it was going to be two girls it was April Eden and Autumn Ember

Two boys would be Owen Derik and Noah Nickum

Boy and girl would simply be Owen and April.

April is named after Brynn for 1. April is when she was due and 2. it means "new life".

Eden means paradise which is where I think Brynn is in heaven AND it will be paradise for me when these babies arrive alive and healthy!

So far I've done Corynn, Brynn and Owen and Eden seems to match my style a little more than April and ends in "N" like all the others.

And I think Owen and Eden are cute together.

But Erik likes April better and thinks Eden is a weird first name.

I would like votes and opinions. I like both but think I love Eden more.

usual aches and pains

My biggest complaint just like with Corynn's pregnancy is my muscle pain. The muscles around my pelvic area, groin and upper thighs KILL me if I stand or walk too much. I feel like I just did the biggest work out of my life and my muscles fibers are being ripped apart. I hurts to move my legs and it makes me waddle like a typical pregnant lady. My support belt helps a little but DANG am I sore!

I also have been getting the usual second trimester headaches that never end. Tylenol helps a little but I've started having teensy bits of caffeine (tea or pop) which seems to also help.

I have some reflux if I eat late at night, but not bad at all yet.

And my lower back hurts if I stand too long.

I still have tons of Braxton hicks and occasional painful contractions (about 1-3 per day). But I guess that's just gonna be my normal.

I love all of it if it means I get healthy babies in the end.

cervix

when I went in at 12 weeks for bad cramping/contractions my cervix measured 4.7 cm which is very long! It just needs to be above 2.5. In a singleton pregnancy it starts to go below 2.5 after 32 weeks.

At my 15 wk US my cervix measured 3.3 cm. This is still good but it was a rapid drop from 4.7 in only 3 weeks time.

My doc says it's fine and not to worry, just to take it easy but no real restrictions at this time.

I just hope it doesn't continue to get shorter. My next check will be at 19 weeks.

I am terrified of preterm labor! No preemies for me please!

can't help it

After losing Brynn, I had said that I would try my hardest not to get too excited or attached to the next pregnancy. I said I wouldn't buy anything and I wouldn't call them by name because I had picked out names for it they lived and different names for if they died because I didn't want to use my favorite names if the baby didn't make it.

Well, throw all that out the window. No matter how much I try not to be, I'm excited. I already bought a couple outfits. Nothing too expensive, but I just HAD to go shopping. Also my grandma got me almost ALL the big stuff we need. We're keeping the receipt just in case, but as much as I had wanted to, I can't just pretend we don't have babies coming.

And I can't do separate names like I thought. I want to call them by name and I'm not going to call them two names and I especially don't want to call them by a "death name". How depressing. I wasn't going to announce names for this reason because it all depended on the outcome. But I know that their names are already set in my mind no matter what happens. I won't be able to change them. It will be the same as Brynn. If I don't give them their "living" names, I will feel like I'm taking their names away from them.

Plus, if I lose these babies, I don't think I will have anymore. I will probably be done if I have to suffer again so I might as well use my favorite names no matter what.

100% FRATERNAL

So at the end the 14 wk scan at the Peri I had asked the tech to just look between the legs so that we could see if we thought they looked the same or different but told her I know that it was too early for her to feel comfortable guessing, so she didn't have to say anything, but just let us look. So that's what she did she said "here's B between the legs" and "here's A between the legs". We immediately thought A was a boy even thought it was early but didn't get a great shot of B. The tech got an image of the baby's back with the legs open instead of looking up from underneath the butt, so we had no idea on this one except Erik thought he had seen and we kinda thought it was a girl but really had NO confidence in this so I was really hoping to get a better look at my next 15 wk US. I was rather annoyed that the tech didn't get the correct image for gender ID. I bet she thinks I just don't know what the right angle is and that I would be satisfied with that. What is it with techs not playing nice?

So then I had my 15 wk US at my doc and got the US tech that I think is a bitch. I knew she would be difficult so when I got in, I didn't ask to see the genders, I said "we want to look at genders today" she said "ok but it may be a bit early" and I said "oh that's ok you don't have to guess, I just want to see so that I can guess". She seemed annoyed with this and was immediately like "oh well I don't think they're going to show us much with the positions they're in". We were able again to see baby A and guessed he was a boy but baby B had it's legs close together. The tech put NO effort into trying to get a good look but then for a second we were pretty sure we got a good look and me and my mom cried out "that's a girl" and at that moment the tech took the wand off my belly and said "well I didn't see any boy parts but the legs were kinda close together". COME ON! If she would have stayed on the image for just a bit longer we could've been 100% confident but NO, god forbid you make a mom happy, I mean it's the ONE fun thing we have to take our minds off of all the worry in pregnancy. Being a NICU nurse and having lost a baby, I worry enough for everyone and I KNOW it's not the most important thing but why can't they just let us have fun and enjoy that one bit of non- important fun info? I swear there are so many US techs like that and it pisses me off. AND she didn't print any pictures of either of the gender shots so I had nothing to verify. I was so mad. I was supposed to have a 30 minute US and she only spent 10 minutes and was not nice about it. I complained to my OB and I hope she yells at her :-)

SO, because of her, I ended up going to the elective ultrasound where I could pay someone to actually spend time on the genders. I was a nervous wreck but really wanted to find out before Easter so I decided I would go as long as I heard two heartbeats on my doppler that morning. My mom didn't want to go because she just didn't think she could go back to that place but she ended up deciding to go at the last minute as long as we did things differently. Last time she met us there but this time she wanted to ride with us and we didn't want to park in the same area or go in the same door of the building.

Once we got into the room with the same guy who told me Brynn had no heartbeat, I started to get pretty nervous. My mom wouldn't sit down until we saw them both moving. Once I saw both babies wiggling it was a huge sigh of relief! It ended up being such a fun ultrasound and we got some really cute and fun images. I'm glad we went! Baby A is a BOY and baby B is a GIRL!!! I feel so happy to be getting one of each. I was so excited I went right out and bought some matching blue and pink sleepers and hats. It's going to be so fun.

On saturday we announced to my family using easter eggs. Most were filled with yellow purple and green mm's but one had all blue and one had all pink. We opened one at a time until the answers were revealed. It was very exciting!

Then on Sunday we did the traditional cutting of the blue and pink cakes for Eriks family.